How To Scare Off A Potential Sponsor

I feel compelled to issue a disclaimer early on in this post.  The Queen started her blog, dear readers and loyal subjects, simply as a way to further amuse herself.  I am not a professional blogger.  I have a job that pays my bills.  This is where I come to have a creative outlet and to pass on all the things that make me giggle.  If they amuse you and make you giggle too then all the better!  I don't, however, have any kind of agenda or plans to look for sponsors to support my blogging habit.  Let's face it.  It's cheaper than good cocaine so I figure it's just a wee vice as far as cost goes.  In fact it could be totally free, but I compulsively bought up just about any domain name that I thought might connect to here so that when I have millions and millions of readers, I would be able to protect those little bitty domains from domain vultures!  (I just made up that term... domain vultures... but I sort of like it so now I plan to use it in general conversation whether it fits into the conversation or not.  Just wait until I pop it on MPH!)  Anyway, this is all just something you need to keep in mind as I tell you what happened last week.

So there I was, minding my own business... actually now that I think about it, I was getting a pedicure so really I was at my favorite beauty shop which puts me all up in everyone else's business.  It's a general rule for beauty shops, I've noticed.  Anyway, I happened to check my email on my phone and found one that I absolutely NEVER expected.  It was an unsolicited offer to sponsor an ad on my blog!

The first ostrich says: "Oh my GAAAAAWD!  A Sponsor!"  (If you look closely, you can tell that this ostrich was obviously in the beauty shop with me.  Holy Canolli!  Check out those feathers!  Spectacular, I tell you.)

Yes, dear readers and loyal subjects, someone wanted to pay me to stick an ad for their CPA business right here.

The second ostrich says: "Wait, a CPA?  WTF?!!"

Now you may ask, as a few of my friends and I all did (not to mention the second ostrich), "What in the world would a CPA want to advertise HERE for?!"  As one friend so sweetly put it, "Your blog is pretty much the antithesis of the organization and logical reasoning that goes into the whole CPA business."  I did think about being offended at that point, but it was really hard to argue against it.  Instead I slapped a "Kick Me" sign onto his back when he wasn't paying attention and just went on with the conversation.  I mentioned to him, as well as MPH when he was shocked too.... really people, how shocking is it that I'm apparently popular?!... I really do this just for my own amusement.  The way I figured it, this was a golden opportunity to further that goal!  With that in mind, here is a copy of my return email (and some help making sense of the ostrich pictures):

Hi Madame X (not her real name, but it would be cooler if it were)!

Okay, I admit that you have me intrigued.  I haven't had a sponsor before.... very likely because my blog is way on off the deep end and weird as shit!  You umm.... have read it, right?!  If you have and you still want to sponsor me, then who am I to stand in the way of some sponsorship?!  Now then concerning payment.  My preference would be for payment to be made in live ostriches!  If you don't have a wild animal permit (if such a thing is required) I would consider bourbon slushies.... or maybe my body weight in cupcakes.  That would be yummy!

But really, if you're interested then I'm happy to talk to you about it.  Since I'm amused already, you'll certainly get a whole blog post about this and a great big shout out that way.  Just let me know what you're interested in and what you're thinking.  If I've scared you off already then this definitely isn't the blog for you.  If not... well great!  Let's play!!  I can always use more playmates!

The Queen!

This is the third ostrich just because I was on an ostrich kick.  He doesn't have anything to say, but you can see him staring off into the distance. I think he's watching my potential sponsor run away.

As I'm sure you can imagine, I managed to scare off my very first potential sponsor with the use of a single email.  Okay, so I also used the less typical forms of payment to frighten her, but it made ME laugh!  And let's face it.  If that frightened her, she'd probably have a heart attack over most of the rest of the things that go on around here.  I didn't even MENTION pterodactyl porn!  I figure I was sort of going easy on her.  I will say this, though.  If this blog is for my own amusement... mission accomplished!  Now then, where are the great random sponsors?!  I'm here!  Bring on the ostriches!