Answers and Lies

So did everyone get a chance to take a look at last night's blog and make a guess on our mystery item?  If you don't know what I'm talking about, you really need to head over and check it out before you read any further.  Trust me!  You don't want to ruin the surprise!  Go ahead. Just click here to see it.  You really do want to see what we're talking about because I really am going to tell you what it is.

Here it is one more time.

But first...

Don't you just hate when that happens?  Usually I do too, but it lets me exercise what little power I really do have (keep in mind that I have three children under the age of 10 so I KNOW how little power I really do have), and that gives me the sort of cheap thrills that we all know I love.  Just humor me here.  Okay fine. I'm finished!  But really, first I do have to say that I got a few guesses as to the identity of the item.  A couple of those were emailed to me because my blog wasn't being nice and letting everyone post a comment. Sorry about that!!!  Anyway, it was unanimously determined that this item is something to assist women to pee either standing up or in an emergency sort of situation like while stuck in a car.

I'm going to give you all a moment to let that sink in.  A device to help us all pee?  Seriously?!  You know, I came up with some kinky shit for this thing but none of it involved peeing.  I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!  This made me laugh!  I especially loved ALS's new name for it.  It was The Lady Loo-err.  You know, I am totally going to throw this sort of thing out to you all again sometime soon.  It truly made my day!  Alright, well here's the answer, which accounts for the answers portion of today's blog title...

Here it is as it is apparently intended for use.  That's my kids' iPod sitting in it.

Yes, this mysterious little item is apparently meant to serve as a sort of sub-woofer for an iPod!  And it's a fluke that I ever figured that out, but it fits.  The trumpet serves to enhance the sound if you play music without the headphones.  It makes the whole thing sound less tinny.  The attachment points for the trumpet even line up with the little speakers on the bottom of the iPod.  So there we have it.  It works okay, nothing amazing, but what I do find amazing is that they gave me this item with absolutely NO information or instruction on its use.  I'm personally wondering how many women are out there right now trying to pee in it!  It would serve them right for failing to inform their target audience!

Now to get to the lies portion of tonight's post.  I should really know better than to bring strange things into my house.  I thought I was being so clever!  We should all realize that I just wasn't.  You see, one other item that I got at BlogHer12 came up in general conversation today.  It was this one...

Yes, my oldest daughter, the 9 year old, found this after I'd pulled it from the suitcase that I'm still in the process of unpacking.  She took one look at it, fortunately looking at the ring itself and NOT reading the description, then proceeded to have the following conversation with me.

Daughter:  Mom, what is this?

Queen: What's what? OH MY GO..... Ummm, it's nothing. Give it to me.

Daughter, still looking at the ring:  Yes, it is.  I know what it is.  Can I have it?

Queen (chocking at this point):  ACK!  No, you can't have it and what do you think it is?

Daughter:  It's one of those rings that lights up when you wear it.

Queen (trying to grab the ring and crawl under the bed with it at the same time):  Ummm, yes. That's what it is but.... it's mine.  Give it back.

Daughter:  Can't I have it?

Queen: No.  If I give it to you, your sisters would want one too and I only have the one so... it's mine.

Daughter, scowling:  Fine then.  Here.  I'm going to watch cartoons.

And this, dear readers and loyal subjects, is why the Queen can get away with NOTHING even in her own house!  Can't you just see her going to school tomorrow with a vibrating ring on her figure.  Yeah, I'd have to move or something after that.  And on that note, I am going to go hide both the ring and that vibrator I got!  I might need to bury both in the backyard.  I'm sure I'll figure it out.  You all have a great one and careful where you pee!!!