Do These Kids Make Me Look Fat?

The Queen went back to school this weekend, dear readers and loyal subjects.  Okay, not exactly back to school but sort of back to school which kind of counts in the whole hand grenades and horseshoes scheme of things... which I'm willing to run with, of course.  What I actually did was go back to my college alma mater!  The whole family was out of town for something MPH (My Poor Husband) had to do, so I took the opportunity to visit and tell my daughters about all the great times I'd had.  (Yes, I was telling them how awesome it was to try to convince them that they needed to go there too.  I'm not above that!)  I took pictures of them in front of the administrative building and everything.  It was UBER cute!  They're so ready!

OMG Aren't they precious?!  Can't you just see them getting ready to head off to college?!

Okay, taking a moment after that thought to sniffle and get less teary then moving on!  Anyway, we had a huge time at the college, but I wasn't willing to let it go at that.  I also contacted my favorite professor, who I've remained closed friends with during the intervening years... you know, like 4 or 5 years... and by 4 or 5 years, of course I mean 20+ but let's not get picky here, people!  So I called up Dr. A and he and his wife met us for a long lunch, just me and the girls.

It was during this lunch that I made a completely unexpected discovery.  It is impossible to look cool and professional and totally well put together.... if you bring your kids along!  Dr. and Mrs. A have known me since college and even know MPH.  They were at our wedding!  But because I'm usually alone when I come into town and visit them, they've just never met my daughters.  This is one of those times that you give the talk to the kids about being on their best behavior and how important it is and how if they embarrass you you will cut them, but you know they never really listen.  This time was no different.

So there I was.  I thought I'd planned it all out.  It wasn't a fancy lunch.  Nope, there was a playground involved!  I thought that would take care of it.  Let's just say... it didn't.  I showed off my offspring as any proud mother would then sent them off to play so I could then assure everyone involved that I'd lived up to my potential, had the perfect job, the perfect marriage, the perfect children and the perfect life.  Turns out it's a lot easier to fake being perfect if you don't bring those kids!  I really can't stress this enough.  Yes, bring the kids and you will say such things as:

Queen:  Yes, work is going incredibly well.  I'm a team leader now and enjoying the management experience...  AAAARRRRGGGGGH!!!  (That would be the scream that accompanied me turning to my right and realizing that my nine year old had her face mushed completely up against the glass immediately beside me.  You just can't prepare for things like that, people!)

Or this:

Queen:  I'm so proud of the girls.  They're doing so well in school.  They've really worked hard and...

Youngest child:  Mom, there's gum in my hair!

Queen:  How did you get gum in your hair?!

Youngest child (in the most intelligent way possible, I assure you):  I dunno!

And then there's this:  

Queen: Yes, we're hoping to finally take them on a trip with us to Germany next year.  It will be their first international trip.

Middle Child who came out of nowhere!:  BLURB!!!!  (That would be her sneaking up on me and blowing a raspberry on my cheek.)

Yeah, I'm cool!  I'm a professional!  I am all that!  And yet.... these kids reduce me to someone who has absolutely no control over anything in her life.  The funny thing was that Dr. and Mrs. A were thrilled to see it.  Those girls might have been all over the place but they were laughing and having fun and obviously figured that I was willing to do the same, even if I was trying desperately to talk to someone else.  It's nice to find those who appreciate you and are happy for you even when things obviously aren't perfect.  They're the ones who realize that happy is a lot more important than perfection.  Yup, I even let myself exhale a couple of times.  It's also hard to hold in that tummy for 2 hours!

That's cool.  I still plan for this to be me in the years to come:

PS.  As a follow up, I actually did one of the crafty/birthday party ideas that I'd pinned in Pinterest!  Holy canolli, people!  Look at the Queen get useful!  Just don't get used to it.