Wednesday, December 5, 2012

What I'm REALLY Thinking

The Queen, dear readers and loyal subjects, works hard at her job.  I mean REALLY hard.  Okay, I mean sort of hard.  Frankly, it depends on the day.  But she is very lucky to be able to work at home.... where yoga pants, sweatshirts, no make up and funny colored fuzzy socks make up the work uniform.  (You should start singing "I'm sexy and I know it" about right here, by the way.  I know I am!)  One of the really big advantages of that, however, is the somewhat undervalued benefit of not having to keep a straight face when given bad news or when dealing with something that simply seems ridiculous during a teleconference.  This little perk is worth its weight in gold, I tell you!  And it's not that this happens often, but when it does.... well... let's just say that there are specific things that tend to cross the Queen's mind about that time... and she does NOT really have a good poker face.

This, people, is just truth!

So today I am going to tell you what the Queen is really thinking when dealing with things she'd simply rather  not... which is a shocking amount of the time, I must admit.  Because let's face it, the Queen is interested in eating bonbons and sipping wine all day.  That's the goal, right?!  Just because I've failed at being able to do that thus far and remain employed, doesn't mean all hope is dead!  Wait, does it?!  You know, I'll think about that some time later.  For now, I'm just going to share the list with you all.  You're welcome!

1.  This is why I keep a bottle of rum hidden under my desk.

(I know I said rum but wine works too.  I'm just sayin'.)

Okay fine!  Here's your rum picture to go with that one.

2.  Ouch!  I think I just gave myself a concussion while beating my head against the desk with my phone on mute.  Wow, I love that mute button!  Now if I could just make it work on other people...

(I don't have a mute button funny.  So I'm just sticking this line in here so you won't be totally disappointed.  I really work for you people, you know.)

3.  I'm pretty sure that "WHAT THE FUCK?!" isn't a particularly productive comment even if it's the only one I can think of right now.  Maybe I'll just sit here quietly and chew on my hair.

4.  HOLY CANNOLI!  How can one very small kitten make a smell THAT BAD?!  (I know this one seems odd, even for me, but my new kitten sits in my lap part of the day and she sometimes reminds me of that old Smelly Cat song from Friends....  The trouble is that I KNOW what I'm feeding her!  Kittens do have their downside.)

This cat, however, seems to have tapped into my thought process!

5.  Maybe if I stab myself in the eye or otherwise have some horrible, disfiguring accident... or SOUND like I'm having a horrible, disfiguring accident, I can just get off this call!  I know!  I can fake being attacked by a dinosaur! That always works!!!

...But that can change!

6.  I'm probably not on enough meds to effectively deal with this amount of stress.  Yeah, I'm definitely not.  Maybe I need a new stress outlet.
Totally the same thing!

And to be honest, I'm pretty sure that there are several  more things that run through my head, but right now I'm too tired from having to actually *sniff sniff* work *sniff sniff* that I can't think of them!  So I'm afraid I'm closing tonight with what I'm thinking about now.  It's been a rough day!

Elephant gets me!


  1. LOL! I can relate to everyone of these issues. I have the Velociraptor-Free Zone sign in my office, but we have been 62 Million years without incident. However I do work outside the home and probably have better security for these kinds of things.

    1. Preach it! I work at home so I blame MPH, naturally. Wait, now that I think about it, he gets blamed for everything so I suppose that was unnecessary to say out loud. Oh well!!

      Don't mind me. I'm going to go run around the house now making those RRRAAAAAWWWWRRR noises they made in the pterodactyl porn video. I find this just makes my day better in general! Feel free to copy... particularly while you're at work in an office. That makes it BETTER!


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