Friday, December 7, 2012

Now There's WHAT In My Yard?!

*Immediate Disclaimer*  
***I was unable to find funny pictures to go along with today's post so.... I just stuck random funny shit in random spots because I wanted to.  I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog post.... with random funny shit.  You're welcome.***

(Told you so)

Okay, sometimes it might not be so great that all my friends and colleagues read my blog.  And no, no one blames me for anything I might be thinking in meetings.  But apparently someone thought of me when they read a typo in some kind of report the other day and this is the series of emails that then went flying around a group of my co-workers as a result of my recent back yard find.

Sandy:  It says this person doesn't have a head today!  Really? She's just walking around headless?

Maggie:  The head was probably dumped in Cindy's backyard with the deer carcass.

Queen:  Oh like THAT would shock me in the back yard?! No way, people! I am totally ready for ANYTHING back there now... Bring out your heads... or dead... or whatever.

(It was a Monty Python reference so this one sort of goes!  Work with me, people!)

Tammie (aka The Butlette):  I spit out my water on the screen!!!

Queen:  Happy I could help out your day... if only by short circuiting your computer when the water hit it.

Deb:  Me too! Made me holler out loud and the dogs barked at me when I woke them up.

Tammie (aka The Butlette): Follow-up to the blog segment.... I feel it!!!

And this, dear readers, leads me to the moral of this little post.  Actually, it's moralS.

(...and another random funny.)

1.  You get one deer head dumped in your backyard and there is simply no END to the deer head jokes, or general head jokes for that matter.

2.  Don't drink and read the Queen's emails.  It can be hazardous to computer equipment.

(Just because though it honestly would have gone better during the deer head post.)

3.  One of my colleagues uses the word "holler" and I just love it!

4.  Tammie is freaking psychic!!!  Note to self, think innocent thoughts.  Or I could just make my life easier and be sure she's included on any shenanigans.  Yeah, that seems to be the way to go.  I'm just sayin'.

(Okay this one just works because it's me and Tammie we're talking about here.)

5.  What's even funnier is that I asked each of my colleagues for permission before I put their names in here.  This was Sandy's response "I'm fine with being immortalized in print on the internet in association with anything that has to do with headless people."  Yup, the people I work with rock!

(This one is just.... yeah.  It's good to be reminded every now and then.)

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

What I'm REALLY Thinking

The Queen, dear readers and loyal subjects, works hard at her job.  I mean REALLY hard.  Okay, I mean sort of hard.  Frankly, it depends on the day.  But she is very lucky to be able to work at home.... where yoga pants, sweatshirts, no make up and funny colored fuzzy socks make up the work uniform.  (You should start singing "I'm sexy and I know it" about right here, by the way.  I know I am!)  One of the really big advantages of that, however, is the somewhat undervalued benefit of not having to keep a straight face when given bad news or when dealing with something that simply seems ridiculous during a teleconference.  This little perk is worth its weight in gold, I tell you!  And it's not that this happens often, but when it does.... well... let's just say that there are specific things that tend to cross the Queen's mind about that time... and she does NOT really have a good poker face.

This, people, is just truth!

So today I am going to tell you what the Queen is really thinking when dealing with things she'd simply rather  not... which is a shocking amount of the time, I must admit.  Because let's face it, the Queen is interested in eating bonbons and sipping wine all day.  That's the goal, right?!  Just because I've failed at being able to do that thus far and remain employed, doesn't mean all hope is dead!  Wait, does it?!  You know, I'll think about that some time later.  For now, I'm just going to share the list with you all.  You're welcome!

1.  This is why I keep a bottle of rum hidden under my desk.

(I know I said rum but wine works too.  I'm just sayin'.)

Okay fine!  Here's your rum picture to go with that one.

2.  Ouch!  I think I just gave myself a concussion while beating my head against the desk with my phone on mute.  Wow, I love that mute button!  Now if I could just make it work on other people...

(I don't have a mute button funny.  So I'm just sticking this line in here so you won't be totally disappointed.  I really work for you people, you know.)

3.  I'm pretty sure that "WHAT THE FUCK?!" isn't a particularly productive comment even if it's the only one I can think of right now.  Maybe I'll just sit here quietly and chew on my hair.

4.  HOLY CANNOLI!  How can one very small kitten make a smell THAT BAD?!  (I know this one seems odd, even for me, but my new kitten sits in my lap part of the day and she sometimes reminds me of that old Smelly Cat song from Friends....  The trouble is that I KNOW what I'm feeding her!  Kittens do have their downside.)

This cat, however, seems to have tapped into my thought process!

5.  Maybe if I stab myself in the eye or otherwise have some horrible, disfiguring accident... or SOUND like I'm having a horrible, disfiguring accident, I can just get off this call!  I know!  I can fake being attacked by a dinosaur! That always works!!!

...But that can change!

6.  I'm probably not on enough meds to effectively deal with this amount of stress.  Yeah, I'm definitely not.  Maybe I need a new stress outlet.
Totally the same thing!

And to be honest, I'm pretty sure that there are several  more things that run through my head, but right now I'm too tired from having to actually *sniff sniff* work *sniff sniff* that I can't think of them!  So I'm afraid I'm closing tonight with what I'm thinking about now.  It's been a rough day!

Elephant gets me!