Monday, April 30, 2012

Where Can I Get My Chinplant?

I just read an article about prom for this year.  Did you realize that the average amount a family spends in prom prep is over $1000... US dollars?!  Same article said the most expensive prom dress was actually about $14,000.  What?! Really?!  Where can I get one of those?  Or better yet, I'll need two in case I drip ketchup from my corn dog on the first one. Then I'll have a spare.  But that wasn't even the point of the article.  This article was about the fact that there's apparently a surge in popularity of cosmetic procedures leading up to prom.  And the procedure this article was talking about?  Chin implants.  Yes, I said CHIN implants.  Just... wow.

This... is a cosmetic surgeon.  Now, to my knowledge he doesn't do chin implants.  I got his picture from one of those sky magazines that you flip through while you fly because you're desperate to distract yourself from the fact that you're stuck in that seat all the way to Texas with little to no leg room and someone with a screaming baby sitting right behind you but somehow their toddler in the seat next to them is kicking the back of your seat every few seconds with complete abandon while you try to nap through the whole scene.  Not that I've had any experiences like that... lately.  But frankly, I just had to use this picture, which I took mid-flight because he really is a cosmetic surgeon and apparently he's a really good one but his specialty is, and I'm seriously not making this up, hair implantation and restoration.  Take a good look at this guy, people, and enjoy your giggle.  You're welcome.  I'd have used a picture from one of my own proms, but I looked at them and decided that we are just NOT going there, not even for a laugh.  Here's one though, and I admit it. I'd be all about this dress.  LOVE IT!

But back to my point, chin implants?!  You know, I can remember being concerned about a lot of things and a lot of prep before my own proms but not one of those concerns were in regards to my chin.  Why the sudden focus on the chin?! Can we not just focus on the obvious breasts, hips and thighs that I'm used to obsessing on?  Do we really need another body part to analyze for hours in the mirror and worry about whether it's up to snuff?  And if we do, should it really be your chin?!  I'm just in awe here of the very idea.  It would appear that certain cosmetic procedures are just popular with today's young women.  It's the new "in" thing.  What?  You haven't evaluated your own chin yet?  Or have you already run to check the mirror?  Personally, I figure if that particular body part didn't already cause me to have some kind of fit of self loathing during my teenage years then it's probably doing just fine, thank you very much.

And honestly, I have to admit that I'm still wondering where that $1000 is going per prom goer.  Even if I rent a limo, I think I can find a good looking dress and get my hair and nails done for less than that.  Mostly I'm praying that's the case because I have three daughters, and I'm betting that there will be at least one year where all three will be invited to the prom at once.  In fact, I'm already signed up for some cosmetology classes in order to save some money right there.  I figure it's pay all that money to send them to the prom or pay the mortgage that year.  Now if I can just get MPH (My Poor Husband) to sit still so I can practice perms and highlights, I'm sure I'll have this all figured out just in time for the start of that prom season.  Where did that man go now?!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Dedicated to ME!

I am a book junkie.  I really can't help myself.  My plans for a day always include spending time in a book store or a library whenever that's even a remote possibility.  So tonight I sat down to spend some time with the book I'm currently devouring, and I took a moment to spend some time reading the dedication page.  And that reminded me of something else so I tossed the book to one side and decided to share that something else with you, dear readers and loyal subjects.  You see, books have always been important to me.  I buy them and hold onto them forever... or until MPH (My Poor Husband) begs me to donate some of them to the local library and to please, please, please stop buying them and bringing them into an already full house.

Okay, it doesn't actually look this bad but only because I picked most of the books up off the floor and found shelf space for them... somewhere.  But anyway, my love of books is rather notorious.

That said, I have to say that I was incredibly honored once to find that a book written by someone I'd worked with previously had been dedicated to me!  The author had presented me with a copy of his book without telling me about the dedication.  I remember thanking him for the book and then discovering the dedication page later on in the day when I was flipping through it.  Now you can just imagine my delight when I found it... okay actually you can't because I've left out one teeny tiny detail... the subject of the book itself.  I read the dedication, truly was honored by it, and then burst out laughing.  I promptly picked up the phone and called my father.  You see there was no way I was going to miss this opportunity.  I figured there was no WAY it would ever come around again.

Queen:  Dad!  I have a book that's been dedicated to me!!
Dad:  Really?  That's great. What is it.
Queen:  It's a book of poetry... well not exactly poetry... really it's a book of limericks.
Dad: (long silence)  Limericks?
Queen:  Yes.  Limericks... Prostate limericks to be exact.
Dad:  (long silence again)  Well of course you do.  Congratulations.

Yeah, my Dad has been known to take some pretty odd things in stride.  You should hear some of the other bombs I've dropped on him.  I'm betting that he's so proud that he typically forgets to bring this up during bragging fests with his buddies.  But yes, it's true.  There really is a book of limericks all about the prostate, an ode to the prostate if you will, floating around out there with a dedication to me and two other people written by a friend who battled prostate cancer and simply loved to write limericks.  I still have my copy.  And no, you can't borrow it.  It's just one of those weird things I've managed to accumulate as I've gone through life.  Only me...

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Pterodactyl Porn... REALLY?!

I do love for the different services they provide to their users, of which I am one in case you hadn't noticed.  They make it possible to track all sorts of things.  For instance, I marveled at the fact that I'd gone international when it first happened.  Remember?  Click here to see it.  It was blogger that let me know when this first happened.  Well they also let me track all sorts of other things, among them... pterodactyls.

This is a pterodactyl.

Sexy, isn't it?  The answer to that is no.  No, it isn't!  And it isn't that Blogger actually lets me track pterodactyls, but it does let me track the kind of keyword searches that lead people to this blog.  And what is by far the number one search?  Pterodactyl porn!!!  Yes, I write one blog about how ridiculous the internet has gotten based on the fact that I was able to find actual pterodactyl themed porn (Here it is if you haven't read it. It was particularly clever if I do say so myself.) and somehow I become the Queen of Pterodactyl Porn in the process!  Here's what the chart currently looks like based on keyword search.

Search Keywords
pterodactyl porn
figure out my style
keep calm and carry on notebook
pteradacyl porn
pterodactil porn
queen of all things good
"penises are funny"
all things flamingo
cupcakes 10 locations
girl pterodactyl porn

See?!  I told you so!  Now to be fair, it used to be worse.  For a while 8 of the 10 keywords were related to pterodactyl porn, well related to pterodactyl porn for poor spellers (i.e. pterodactil and pteradacyl which are both seen above).  It seems that you don't have to actually be able to spell pterodactyl in order to find either porn related to them or this blog.  At least now some of the keywords make me giggle more than pterodactyl porn does.  "Penises are funny," really?!  Now that makes me laugh. I'm not sure why that brings you here other than the whole penises in my houseplant intellectual discussion which can be found by clicking here.  But in my defense, I don't think I ever truly said that I thought penises were funny.  They sort of are, but that's an extrapolation of what I said!  As far as "figure out my style" and "keep calm and carry on notebook" goes... I got nothing.  I have a keep calm and have a cupcake notebook but not the other.  And I'm drawing a TOTAL blank on the entire figure out my style concept!

So what's my point here?  Well... it turns out that it's not just me that ends up in weird places when I put search words into Google!  Besides that, I just don't really have one.  Let's face it.  It doesn't take much to amuse me but this whole keyword thing as truly managed to do it.  Anyway, I'm off now.  I'm going to go check on Google. I want to put in "penises are funny" and see what all else I can find.  Suddenly the concept of that particular search just seems like genius to me!  Hasta, people!  Oh, and be sure to have a cupcake!  I don't know 10 locations for that but I'm sure you'll come up with something!