Kids are like Aliens... only cuter

Just so you know, so far the world's cupcakes are still safe.  After last night and our obvious security breach, I know what you're thinking, though!  You're thinking "But Queen, how can we be sure?!  What can we do?"  If that isn't what you're thinking, don't tell me.  I live in fear you're thinking something like "What would happen if I poke this stick into that hornet's nest over there."  Or "I wonder if it would look really cool on video if I rode my unicycle down my roofline then off the edge so that I can make it look like I'm flying over that small tree over there like they did in ET?"  (I swear, I do wonder who comes up with those stunts you see on late night television where you just KNOW they're going to end badly but you can't look away.  It's like the guy I saw at the grocery store one day wearing the t-shirt that said "It's only funny until someone gets hurt... then it's hilarious!")  Try not to make the Queen worry about you.  It might give me wrinkles. And no one would want that!  And by no one, I mostly mean me.  But to get back to that question that's haunting you, the answer is I remain vigilant!  I will protect the cupcake supply.  I will guard it with my life... well, most likely with the life of MPH (My Poor Husband), who quite honestly really doesn't want to deal with me if all the cupcakes are gone.  He's got it hard enough just trying to live with the embodiment of functional ADHD as it is.

But thinking about those really weird things that people do as stunts on television... that always end badly, if I didn't mention it before, I'm struck by how strange some of the things are that we hear, say and simply accept as parents.  I don't mean just the general excitement that comes when your child first announces in a loud voice in a public place that they have just completed some bodily function.  Though don't get me wrong!  I was as proud as the next toddler's mom with those announcements!  I mean, the things they say that make all sorts of sense to them but that have no rational meaning to us... or likely shouldn't have any rational meaning to us.  Yet somehow we accept them at face value, may even repeat them, and then just move on with our lives.  To some extent it's like living with Dr. Seuss!  My daughter could indeed walk up to me and inform me that there was a nerkle in the closet and more than likely I'd just nod, tell her I hoped it didn't chew on the bath towels, and then walk off humming like I might actually be a sane person!  When frankly, I doubt any of us are completely sane as parents!

I can give examples... because my friends are the same way... and they talk to me... which they probably won't for long when they realize that I may quote them.  Or maybe they will and it will elevate the level of conversation to the point that it's like speaking to Einstein every time I try to find out what's going on in general in the hopes that they'll be quoted.  Now that I think about it, I'm not sure which would be worse!  I'm willing to bet that they wouldn't be coming up with those funny Einstein quotes that I like.  I'm betting they'd start discussing the theory of relativity without getting any of the facts straight just hoping that I won't know any better and that I'll start blogging about how brilliant my friends are!  Then I'd have to go into hiding, move in with the Russian cupcake cartel because they'd be the only ones still talking to me, but then they'd be speaking in Russian and the only thing I'd be able to say back to them would be BLOG!... Maybe I should have thought about it before I started quoting people.  *big sigh* Oh well. Too late!!!

So I was having a conversation with one of my friends who really is quite brilliant the other day.  He's the father of twin daughters who are about four.  In the middle of our conversation about something else, probably how brilliant I am (I might have brought up the topic), he suddenly says:

Brilliant friend:  One sec.  Apparently there is a pickle emergency.  (And away he goes)

The Queen (who is left talking to herself): I won't even ask... but I can imagine... really vividly... and I may have to blog about it! (Okay, I think I yelled that last part)

Brilliant friend: Ok.  Apparently the cyclops didn't have enough pickles to share with the other cyclops.

Brilliant friend: Problem solved when she drew another pickle.

The Queen blinks a few times and replies:  Ummm, well.... naturally.

And that, dear readers, was indeed the end of that part of the conversation.  It's just all kind of surreal!  It's like aliens land in between you, jump out of their spaceship, start blasting "Getting' Jiggy With It" from their extra large  on-board speakers, and proceed to do a strip tease for you then run back onto their spaceship and fly away!  You're left staring and wondering what the hell just happened, but as a parent you figure out pretty quickly that trying to piece it all together  would cause more headaches than just letting it slide, so slide it does.  You then go back to whatever you were talking about and just let the whole thing go.  So you see, kids really are a lot like aliens.  They're just cuter.  Maybe it's advanced shielding.  Or maybe they just have us all so confused that we're willing to believe they are.... What was I talking about again?

The Queen Goes International!

Hola, People! That's hello in Spanish!  Well, the people part isn't.  That's English.  I'm betting you know that, but I do like to be clear when possible.  Since I mixed my languages there, I didn't want to confuse anyone.  That's right!  I just gave you both English AND Spanish in one sentence.  That sort of thing is called "Going International!"  Actually, it's not but I'm needing a segue way here into my topic.  I realize I got off on the ole language tangent... well, I'm going to come back to it now that I think about it, but regardless.... I needed a transition, people!  Don't judge me!

Ahem, as I was trying to say before all the scorn hit, your Queen has gone international!  This blog is now being read all over the world... some of which, in case you don't know, is not English speaking.  That being the case, I've decided to go international with some of my post.  And just so you know, no, I'm not sure what the people in Russia are making of my posts, but apparently a few of them have checked it out. I'm a little concerned that there is convention of Russian underworld leaders plotting a nefarious take over of the world's cupcakes, and they're watching me because of my superhero powers where keeping myself some cupcakes are concerned, but I'm willing to risk it!  Okay, likely I have a few confused Russians trying to make heads or tails of the Glenda picture but if they want to read then I'm willing to call them my subjects too!

Now then, I thought long and hard about the most helpful way to welcome my international contingent to the blog, and then it hit me.  I should speak to them in their own language!  Turns out I have people from about 7 different countries currently reading along with us.  I happen to know that the Australians speak English so they're on their own here.  HIYA!  And I know that my wonderful friend and extra family member in Germany speaks English too... at least she'd better since she's going to be an English teacher!  So HIYA to Mandy too!  The others though... well I don't speak Russian, Belgian, or Argentinian so I've decided to pick one word and learn it in their languages.  The word I picked.... is Blog!  Seemed appropriate, don't you think?  So I did a little online translation and came up with...Blog!  That's right, it would appear that Blog is an international language all its own!  And you know, that turns out to be a really convenient thing!  So now I would like to give a little speech to everyone.  Please try to follow along...

Blog blog blog blog blog.
Thank you.

Yeah, that's all I got.  That one was so easy that I got lazy and just quit.  Maybe it was the post-sugar let down after my daughter's cupcake party at school.  I only got one.  Those kids were like piranhas!  They absolutely devoured those cupcakes!  I started out with 36 and afterwards I didn't even need any of those really cool cupcake shaped cupcake holders!  I had NADA!  It was sadness!

But when I got back, I did discuss this international trending with my Web Mistress of All Things Good, aka Lauren, because she is my source of all sorts of technical things.  Turns out she's also a pessimist.  I'm optimistic that she'll turn around, though.  Anyway, I happened to find her online so this is how the conversation went down.  Since it was text based, you lucky people get it verbatim! (That's Argentinian for with cupcakes.)

The Queen: OMG I have hits from the weirdest places!

The Queen: Who the hell in Russia has been reading my blog... 3 hits!

Lauren: they could be spiders

The Queen: Eeeew! I hate spiders!

The Queen: Wait, do you mean the crawly things or is this geek speak for something I don't know?

Lauren: geek code word for a new Russian cupcake fetish

The Queen:  I knew it!

So as you see, Lauren came up with creepy crawly internet surfers or something internationally kinky as possible sources of my obviously language barrier breaking appeal as a blogger, where as I was much more logical about it and realized the inner workings of the Russian cupcake cartel are after my cupcakes.  I have hope for Lauren... just not much of it.

Random Finds of AWESOME!

Today, dear readers, we will start a new segment here on our blog.  And by our blog, I of course mean my blog.  But feel free to claim it as your own to your friends. It's not like they know me personally.  So it really could be you.  In fact, suddenly, I'm having a bit of an identity crisis!  Wait... no, there's my tiara. I'm definitely still me.  We may continue!  Incidently, anyone feel like I should be sitting in an oversized leather chair and speaking with an English accent yet?  No?  Just me?  Maybe I watched too much Masterpiece Theater growing up.  Moving on!

Ahem... as I was saying, we will begin a new segment entitled Random Finds of AWESOME!!!  Aren't you excited!  Admit it. It's hard NOT to be excited about something like that!  We're going to take some time out to discuss those completely AWESOME things you find sometimes completely out of the blue that just make life that much better purely by their very existence.  These are the things that make you go "Holy cow!  I've gotta have me one of those!"  Or, in my case "Can I get those by the case?!!!"  (MPH aka My Poor Husband will assure you all that this is, indeed, the case.  He has no appreciation of bulk purchasing, I assure you.) Anyway, our first find of AWESOMENESS is brought to our attention by everyone's favorite Web Mistress of All Things Good, Lauren.  She has found the AWESOME!  I have no idea why she was wherever she was when she found this. Perhaps she was shopping early for my birthday present, but this is truly AWESOME!

BEHOLD!  I bring you... Cupcase cupcake holders!!!!

Can you believe it?!!!!  They are Cupcake shaped.... Cupcake holders!!! *insert high pitched squeal here*  And they have them in PINK!!!  Let us take a moment to admire the AWESOME.

Now, we all know that The Queen loves cupcakes.  And she especially loves pink icing on cupcakes.  So frankly, I'm not sure how these can get anymore AWESOME than they currently are... well, unless someone managed to slap a tiara on top of it, of course.  But really!  I want you to consider just how spectacular these things are.  How often have you wanted to take your own personal cupcake off to enjoy in some corner by yourself but have found it too difficult to carry without smearing the icing?  What?  No?  Okay, how about this?  How often have you not been able to eat all the cupcakes you've bought and so you need to take one home to eat later?  Hmmm, okay, I hear you.  That made me giggle too.  Me either.  Wait!  I've got it!  How often have you wanted to put a cupcake in your lunch box to take to work with you to taunt your co-workers with the fact that you have cupcake awesomeness and they've got NADA!!  YES!  Now THAT, I've done!!!  Finally!  I have found a use for these things!  These are fantabulous!  I'd even stop eating before I snarfed down the last cupcake in order to have a cupcake to put in this holder!  Oh who am I kidding?  I'd buy an extra half dozen hoping I'd have one left over.  That's more likely.  (The Queen has a bit of a cupcake weakness.  Which only makes these things more AWESOME!)

So!  Now that I've shown you today's random find of AWESOME, I want you to tell me some more!  Feel free to post your own random finds and I'll share them as we go along.  Oh and by the way.  My birthday really is coming up... in June. That gives you plenty of time to find me AWESOME birthday presents including these!  I need a case of the pink!  And they're on back-order, so you should all probably hop right on that to make sure you have them when they become available.  Just a suggestion!

(Should you actually want some of these little beauties for yourself, I've included the link for you. http://www.vat19.com/dvds/cupcase-cupcake-holders.cfm  Enjoy!)

It's a weird, weird world... And I'm thankful for it!

Holy Cannoli, people!  I have followers!!!  Okay, I realize that some of you are saying "Well, duh, Queen!  You write a blog."  But then I'd be all up in your face like "No no no!  It's not even BLOG followers!  I have some freakin' Twitter followers!"  Okay, so there aren't many but they're there!  (I like to think of them as a small but hearty band of followers.  Those with exceptionally good taste, and AMAZING sense of humor... but mostly exceptionally good taste.  Just saying'.)

So here's the deal.  I started a twitter account the other day, and I learned to twit.  I mean, I've been surrounded by twits most of my life!  It's like they somehow seem to find me then find my last nerve and swing on it like wild monkeys!  But this is the first time I've tried to twit on my own!  (Oops, quick break for a phone call.  Be right back!)

Okay, Web Mistress of All Things Good, aka Lauren, has just called.  She tells me that the appropriate word is not twit.  She tried to convince me it was twat but I just wasn't buying that!  I know it's twut!... No wait, she says that's not it either.  Tweet?!  How in the world do you get tweet out of Twitter?!  Really people.  I need to have a chat with someone over there on the derivation of made up verbs based on made up nouns.  Do these people not speak English?!  You know, I'm just going to pretend the verb is twit like I think it should be.

So anyway, I learned to twit.  And it's kind of funny when you're doing it.  I mean, I didn't TELL anyone that I got a twitter account.  I didn't even mention it yet to you nice people (also obviously of exceptionally good taste).  So when you first start doing this, it's a lot like you're talking to yourself!... which now that I think about it, you really are.  That bothered me a little at first until I remembered that I talk to myself all the time.  I find myself terribly funny and amusing.  I made myself spit diet coke once!  It was great.  You should have seen my face!... not that I did but again, not the point.  The point is that while it might have seemed odd to talk to myself in typed out form, that really just didn't bother me all that much.  I'm versatile in my self amusement!

Well, moving on, you can just imagine my surprise today when I suddenly found out that I had followers... FOLLOWERS!  I was stunned!  I was gleeful!  I was confused as hell!!!  I mean, who are these people?!  How did they find me?!  How did they know of my obvious genius if I hadn't mentioned it to them in some off-hand and humble way?!  And the answer to these questions, dear reader?  I have no freakin' idea!  But regardless, there they are.  My hearty band of merry men... well actually they appear to all be women, but they do look sort of merry! So however they found me, WELCOME, PEEPS!  (I have peeps!!!! *insert gleeful squeal here*  And yes, obviously I AM easily amused.)  I have now made it my mission to usher this group forward!  We will do marvelously funny things together!  I will grow them by adding only the best of followers... or at least those who know how to click the follow button... something you people could do on the blog, you know... there is one... at the top of the page... if you can't find it, just twit me and I'll find it for you!

And now, for the moment that I realize I have led up to.  That moment that you are all in a mouth frothing frenzy for!  That which I have dangled in front of you for this entire post!  It's like a golden carrot, or...even better... a pink frosted golden cupcake!  Yes!  You guessed it!  Are you ready?!!! (This is more suspense than that two hour long drawn out business with American Idol or the Voice.  Even I'm getting sleepy and wanting to just leave it and go to bed!  But I won't!)  Yes, for your very own twitting pleasure... my twitter feed!  Join us!  We are fun! We are funny! We have cupcakes!!!  Twit me at @QueenOfATG.  Or just follow me.  I don't really know what I'm doing over there so I'm making up as I go along.  Yeah I know.  Go figure.

(Extra credit and a gold star for your foreheads to those of you who figured out that I added my twitter tag/name/whatever to my profile for the blog already.  I didn't want to mention it earlier. I figured it'd blow the big reveal!)

What's a little duel between friends

Okay, just so you all know, I survived MagiQuest!!!  I have no idea what gifts my daughter got because by the time she got around to opening them, I was drowning my misery in a corner slice of birthday cake with all that gritty icing and didn't realize until she was several presents into it that she was even doing it!  Thank goodness for MPH (My Poor Husband) and the camera.  I'll figure it all out later.

So there was chaos.  There was running around.  There was me trying to live up to the unrealistic expectations of my five year old who believes I should be able to lead her on 10 quests and hour, complete the tests involved without any help from her on both our behalf's and still run wilding through a crowd of people all trying to complete the same quests we are....  Don't you love the days when Moms are Superwoman?  Unfortunately somewhere before the end of that hour, I hit the Superwall!  So this was my status as I was tanking up on a mega sugar rush with my cake when our hostess, another college age kid dressed in Ren-faire attire, announced that it was time to take the picture.  Now, I do have to admit that the picture does rock!  They take all the kids, toss them in front of a green screen and take a group picture.  Then they toss that picture in front of a huge shot of a dragon or troll or unicorn (guess which one my kid picked) and give it to you as a souvenir.  There was only one problem.  You guessed it... the duel.

Turns out at MagiQuest you can actually use your wands to duel with your friends or any foe that you can drag up and pin into the dueling area opposite you.  And dueling is apparently cool.  I wouldn't have known.  I'd never done it.  Unfortunately, my middle daughter and one of her friends were in the middle of an apparently heated duel and couldn't be pried away to go sit with the other kids for their picture.  At this point, enter my friend Julie (the other girl's mother) and me.  And we are a formidable pair, I can assure you!  Being Supermoms we did realize that we needed to step in.  As if on the command of some kind of whistle that only Supermoms can hear, we both stepped up onto the dueling platforms, removed the wands from our children's hands and informed them that we would complete their duel because they had to go get a picture made.  Seems you can't just leave a duel incomplete because it locks up the whole dueling system.  Who knew there was a system?!  But there is.  I assure you.  Would I lie to you people?! Now armed with our daughters' wands, Julie and I prepared to do battle.

At this point, I have to admit that I felt for Julie.  True, she's been to MagiQuest plenty.  And true, I'd never dueled... but neither had she.  And true, we had no idea what it was we were doing, but regardless!  I mean this was ME she was facing!  Poor woman.  Needless to say, I had the upper hand.  I had awe inspiring wandsmanship!  I could flick!  I could pick a power to use!  I could heal myself!  Face it!  Julie was going DOWN!!!  And so the dueling commenced!  After tossing several spells at each other and watching our life powers go up and down, I have to admit that we were yelling some serious smack at each other.  This is the sort of thing you really get into!  So here you have two grown women in their *cough cough* late 30's gesticulating wildly with their wands and berating each other over whatever spell had been cast.  As we continued to battle, I admit that I finally yelled at her "This is SO going in the blog!!!"  And well... here it is.

To Julie's credit, she did make me promise that I would describe the results exactly as they happened.  Yes, fair readers, I let her win.  I already said that I felt for her!  And do you want to know the moral of this story?  The truth is determined by she who writes the blog.

Now someone figure out how I add more dueling credit to this thing!

Don't Make Me Use This Wand

By the power of Grayskull!!!!... no wait, that's not right.  LUMINOS!... no, that isn't it either.  Well honestly it really just doesn't matter.  I have a wand and I'm not afraid to use it!  What I AM afraid of is a group of about 10 eight year olds that I'm going to have to try to keep up with at a place called MagiQuest tomorrow.  Yes, you guessed it, or you would have guessed it if you tried... Say, are you really paying attention here?  It's my oldest's 9th birthday party tomorrow, and she picked MagiQuest as her venue.  This place is pretty amazing.  It's an indoor interactive park where you wave your magic wand (i.e. wand with this infrared motion sensitive thingie in it that might as well be magic for all I understand about it) and interact with the world around you.  Magic chests open and give you gold.  (This is an electronic thing, people.  You apparently aren't really allowed to try to rip out the painted gold coins and jewels in the chest.  I learned that the last time I was there.  There's just nothing like some college kid dressed as a wizard pulling you away from a chest and threatening to escort you from the building to end your day of play!)  Unicorns extoll your virtues and give you awards.  The princess asks you to help her find her jewels which are scattered around in the dungeons (See?!  I told them I was supposed to get them for her!).  And overall it's just quite simply cool as hell!

Of course it's cool when I sneak away from my children and go on my own... kind of like Disney World... not that I'd do that... as far as they know...  But give me 10 kids who are all running wildly through the place searching for the Gargoyle who hides better than Eric Rudolph in the North Carolina mountains, as many or more parents who are all residents of the bible belt and leary of anything that sounds subversive like Harry Potter and interactive games that include wands, and we all know we have the recipe for me yanking my hair out in hunks and cowering in the princess' chamber babbling incoherently about jewelry.  Okay, now that I think of it, a princess' chamber filled with jewelry pretty much is my happy place.  Regardless, THIS, dear readers, is what my daughter chose for her birthday party.  And frankly, I don't blame her.  Everything else aside, it really is cool.

So tomorrow, this is where I'll be.  I'll be running through the castle library waving my wand at different things and making magic happen, creeping through the dungeon and the crypts with a five year old clinging to my hand and telling me to hurry up and find what we need so we can run out again, and mostly gorging on diet coke and grocery store birthday cake to calm my frazzled nerves.  On the plus side, I have my own wand.  And it has a really cool topper... that makes magic sounding noises!!!  What more can a girl really ask for?  Someone warn the wizards to look out!

Witch at work!

Soooooo, yeah.  It's been one of those weeks at work, and at some points this was what I wanted to feel like.  Unfortunately it was a Munchkin sort of week for me.  A special thank you to Rick, by the way, for providing the visual.  And yes, I really did just have to use it.  The great thing is that it seems to have suddenly all turned around for the better!

Honestly, it was like nothing would go right this week.  I was doing my usual juggling act with all the normal issues plus a bunch of added weird issues, and it seemed like there was no way to keep all these balls in the air anymore.  I know you've all felt it too.  It was hide under the desk with a bottle of Jack and a cupcake time!  (Not that that's a bad idea in general.  Just don't tell my boss... who's paranoid that I'm going to write about her so now everyone wave and say "Hi, Cherie!" Oh and everyone act like you're doing whatever it is you're supposed to be doing.  I find that helpful in general where bosses are concerned.)  Anyway, I'm pretty sure I was going somewhere with this story, and it's slowly coming back to me where that somewhere was.  So I go to work today with the attitude that I'm slowly going insane (okay fine, MORE insane) so maybe I should just try to enjoy the ride.  Positive energy and stuff everywhere!  And you know what?  It worked!!!  Okay, I don't know that that's what worked but something worked!  Suddenly the weird problems all fixed themselves.  It was like Glenda the good witch up there had been in and beaten all the problems into submission with that sparkly wand of hers.   I realize that I didn't fix the problems.  I'm not sure WHO did it, but fixed they are!  On second thought, I'm pretty sure I did do it... especially if Cherie's reading.  (Hi again, Cherie!)

So now that I'm finding all of my problems fixed, I'm trying to plan what to do with all the free time I'm going to have now that I have nothing to do at work.  (Just kidding, Cherie!)  So here's what I've come up with.

1.  Changing my manicure hourly in order to actually use all the bottles of OPI polish that live in a cabinet that my husband found and had an aneurysm over a while back.  This will show him that they're vitally important to my personal beautification instead of whatever he called them... money pit... something.

2.  Using liquid paper (if that stuff still exists in the age of computers) or, even better, what's left of my daughters' glitter collection to hand paint unicorns and hearts all over my computer monitor.  An attractive work space is vital to productivity.

3.  Calling in Pinky and the Brain to help me plot to take over the world! (I'm showing some of my age here so if you're too young, humor me and pretend to know what I'm talking about.)

4. Actually ordering the ergonomic sit/stand convertible work station for my desk.  (Holy cow, this is something I really really want.  Where did my youth go?!)

5.  Making paper hats for me and the assorted collection of statues, bobble heads, figurines and stuffed animals that share my office with me out of all the really cool scrapbook paper that I own but haven't used yet!  (If I do this, I promise to take pictures and share.)

6.  Playing the multitude of Mario games that my girls have for the Wii that they always want me to help them with but all I can manage to do is kill off their character because I have no idea HOW to play much less have any hand-eye coordination!  Maybe if I play for hours a day, I'll get moderately better... but possibly not.

7.  Taking pictures of me with an assault rifle aimed at my work computer in case any of these problems decides to rear its ugly head again!  Take that problems!!  (In your in box, Cherie!)

Now then, someone find me one of those sparkly wands.  Because I GOT THIS!!!

Glitter.. Who'd have thought?

Let me start out by saying that glitter is like superglue for the scalp!  Ask me how I know.  Go ahead... it's okay...  Well I'll tell you anyway.  I have three little girls.  Yes, three of them.  No, I'm not trying again for a boy.  I don't know how to make them.  Apparently my girly gene is just too strong for that sort of thing. But I digress!  This post is about glitter!  And that was my point back there.  Little girls like glitter... apparently on their scalps.

You see glitter is one of those things in the world that is all good.  And I do mean ALL good... until it's not.  And this is one of those times.  This stuff sparkles!  It makes art more spectacular!  It brings joy and happiness into the world!  Why then would you NOT pour it on your sisters' heads?!  (Admittedly I'm not exactly sure why you WOULD, but once the thought crosses your mind, I can see where it wouldn't occur to you not to.)  And this, dear readers, is what happened with three little girls at my house.  It was apparently their own version of glitter bombing!  I'm not sure if they were protesting anything, maybe lack of wearable glitter, but they succeeded in getting glitter EVERYWHERE!  It's in the carpet.  It's on the hardwood floor.  It's in the bathroom where they fled when they figured out that I might not be exceptionally happy about the glitter incident.  (Not stupid, my girls!)  The one place I didn't find it, surprisingly enough, was on the new puppy. Nope!  Not on her.  Bubbles!  There was bubble solution on her!  I'm not sure what goes on at my house really.  Not even when I think I'm watching.  Anywho!  My point here is that the glitter that made it through their hair to their scalps stuck like superglue on those commercials where the guy is dangling from an I-beam, an item that is unrelated to the iPad but perhaps as expensive.  And let's face it.  Superglue doesn't stick that well in any other location!  I can't get it to hold a handle on a teacup but it'll hang a guy off an I-beam!

So it went down like this.
Me:  What is that?
Random child:  What's what?
Me:  That... in your hair...  what is that?  Wait...is that glitter?!
Random child:  Maybe.

Okay, the conversation wasn't rocket science, but I'm betting the expression on my face as I tried to simply brush it away and found that it was stuck to them without showing signs of ever coming off was probably priceless.  I almost want to do an ad for this stuff!  It has more uses than simple decoration and happiness inspiration!  Or maybe I should try to put the handle back on my teacup with it.  I'm not sure which, but after the day I've had and some serious scrubbing in the shower before I got enough of it off to at least send my kids back to school slightly less sparkly tomorrow, I deserve a cupcake... a BIG one!

And Then There Was Blog!... Blogging? Blogged?...Whatever

So the way I see it, this is The Bloggess' fault.  Honestly, it's really amazing the extent to which I've gone to avoid blogs at all.  I don't know how to twitter.  I have a Facebook account, but I only update my status about once every several months.  I don't know what Farmville looks like, and it's never even occurred to me to blog!  Well, that last part isn't exactly true.  Let's admit it.  I like to hear myself talk.  And frankly, I have LOTS to say!  It's genius really.  I mean, why in the world has it taken me this long to decide to blog?!


That said, it's still The Bloggess' fault.  I plan to write her a strongly worded letter.  It's not like I'm sitting around eating bon bons and watching Bridezilla on TV... unless I am, but that's really not my point here.  I'm busy here!!  You see, it's her fault I even started reading blogs.  Well... hers and Beyonce's.  And by Beyonce I, of course, mean the chicken and not the singer.  And if you don't know what I'm talking about, I highly recommend Googling Bloggess and Chicken.  That'll get you there.  Odds are I can add a link, but with my aforementioned avoidance of blogs in the past, it's an easy jump to conclude that I haven't figured out how to add links here yet.  Regardless, read her blog.  Then come back and read mine.  But read hers and you'll suddenly see how I got addicted and amused and fell in love with a big metal chicken which I'm still coveting.


And that brings me to Lauren!  Web Mistress of All Things Good!  Lovely title, isn't it?  I'll have to tell her about it. I'm sure she'll be thrilled.  Or maybe not as terribly upset when I tell her I've recruited her for my blogging technical needs without telling her about it in advance.  The woman's a saint!  I'm pretty sure she won't actually kill me and will likely even help!  We all need friends like that, the kind that hang their heads, listen as you babble about things that likely don't make much sense all as you get around to asking for their help with something they know a lot more than you about.  Then they just sigh and help you with it because it's easier than trying to tell you rationally why they shouldn't.  I wonder if I can clone her!


So with that very squiggly line of logic as to how I came to blogging put to rest, I'd like to introduce myself.  I'm the Queen... the Queen of All Things Good.  Frighteningly most of the people who know me would agree with this title.  Perhaps they wouldn't necessarily have thought of it for me themselves, but hearing it, I'm willing to bet that they will all know it's me!  My love of tiaras, ballet skirts, tutus, cupcakes with pink icing, and roller skates are the stuff of legend!  I love puppies and babies and small things that will fit in my handbag only to surprise me with happiness later when I find them after having forgotten about them... which happens to me on a regular basis.  (The blonde is natural, people.  Please speak slowly.)  And so now, with tiara perched soundly upon my head, I do declare myself the Queen of All Things Good.  I hereby vow to impart valuable if somewhat convoluted knowledge to my readers.  I promise to try to make some kind of sense somewhere along the way with each post, just don't expect that to be the case all the way through.  And above all, I vow to make Beyonce the chicken proud of me!  Yeah, I really do need to write to The Bloggess.


Welcome to the chaos, people!  Come on in.  The water's fine.


The Queen