Monday, June 4, 2012

Dude! I Am TOTALLY On Time!

I realize that I've said it before, but it's true and bears repeating... so much so that I'm gonna do it, people!  The Queen is scatterbrained.  Everyone who knows me just accepts that fact, figures I'm regal enough to pull it off and moves on with their lives.  It's something you sort of get used to.  Well, it turns out I had another one of those moments this weekend.  Honestly, I had the best of intentions.  I always do.  It's just that there's so much going on and so much to do and so many shiny things to look at, that sometimes my mind just sort of wanders.  Mmmmm.... shiiiiiiiiiny!  What was I talking about again?  Oh I remember!  Scattered.

We had a wedding to go to this weekend! I just love a wedding!  They're so much fun!  And this was one of my great friends who got married so we took the whole family.  It was the first wedding, other than our vow renewal, that my daughters had ever been to, so it was kind of a big deal.  Because of some other plans, though, MPH and I had to drive separate cars.  The wedding was at a beach chapel about an hour from home so I carefully timed our departure to be an hour and a half before the wedding time of 2:00.  That made sense!  We left at 12:30 and got stuck in traffic but still made it by 1:30.  Well I'd never been to this chapel before and we couldn't find it.  But that's okay! We were early!  I stopped and asked for directions!  I found the church!  I had this whole situation COMPLETELY under control!  I OWNED this situation... sort of.  We got to the chapel and there was no one there.  I started to panic.  Fortunately, I had brought the invitation with me, so I pulled it out... and blanched.  I parked and MPH parked beside me and made his way over to my car.  I rolled down the window... a crack.

MPH:  Do you have the invitation? Where is this chapel?
Queen: I have it.  This is the chapel.
MPH:  Is this the right one?!  It's empty!
Queen:  It's the right one. See the white bows on the door and hand rails on the stairs?
MPH:  I see them but... why isn't your window rolled down?
Queen:  I think it's broken.
MPH:  Really?  I'll check on it.  But this place is empty!
Queen: Yeah... I see that.
MPH (thinking now and jumping to totally unreasonable conclusions):  DID YOU GET THE DAY WRONG?!  (Okay, fine.  He had a precedent. Click here to read about the time I was 3 WEEKS early for an appointment.)
Queen (looking totally offended):  I did NOT get the day wrong!
MPH:  Well where is everyone?!
Queen:  They'll be here... (mumbling now) in about 2 hours.
MPH: What was that?  Roll down the window!
Queen:  Ummm, no.  I said they'll be here in about 2 hours.
MPH:  2 hours...
Queen:  Yeah.
MPH:  The wedding isn't at 2, is it?
Queen:  Nope.
MPH:  It's at 4.
Queen:  You're so good at math.  That's very sexy.
MPH:  Someone needs to shoot me.
Queen: That'd be messy, don't you think?
MPH now mutters something unintelligible that I'm pretty sure I shouldn't repeat even if I did know exactly what he was saying.
Queen:  Look, we're at the beach early and we don't usually come to this one. I got us here in time to have a nice family lunch!!!
MPH:  Maybe that will make my new migraine go away.
Queen: And maybe your eye will stop twitching.
MPH: We can hope.

So I left the window only open a crack until he got back in his car and off we went to find food.  Juli, our au pair, was in the car with me so when she finished laughing hysterically, she helped me find a restaurant since I was in the lead.  Really, you'd think he'd know better than to let me lead.  Fortunately I found a restaurant off the road called the Giggling Mackerel.  How could you NOT want to stop and eat at a place called the Giggling Mackerel?!  It just sounds so... HAPPY!  So upon seeing it, I whipped my car suddenly to the right and onto the road leading to it... just as Juli read me the sign by that entrance "Do Not Enter."  So I replied with another something I probably shouldn't repeat because by that time it was too late and I went barreling down a one way street with MPH behind me.  Gotta love being the lead lemming.

It turned out okay, though and the Giggling Mackerel was a great place to eat.  We even got to look at the water as we had a delightful meal.  Then there was some shopping next to it and an area for the kids to play in the sand.  I was having a ball there!  That's when MPH interrupted me.

MPH:  We should head to the wedding.
Queen: What?  We're having fun!  We have plenty of time.
MPH:  *big sigh*  It's 3:40.
Queen: WHAT?!  How did it get to be 3:40?!
MPH:  Time does that, dear.
Queen:  Ummm... oh.  *checking my watch* Wow.  It really is 3:40.
MPH:  You know, you're the only one I know who can show up 2 hours early for a wedding, lose track of time and STILL end up late!
Queen:  It's a gift.

So you see, this really is another situation that's all MPH's fault.  He could have read the wedding invitation!  He knows me.  He knows I shouldn't be left in charge!  Actually, we did have a good time before hand, so maybe I should ALWAYS been left in charge!  Hmmm, it's quite the conundrum, isn't it.  Oh, and extra credit for me for using conundrum in a sentence.  Frankly, I just think it's fun to say, but that's probably a whole other post.


  1. Wow,that takes some skill, to come early and STILL be late. You are officially scatterbrained. Welcome to the club!

    1. Hey, this is a skill! It takes years and years of practice to be able to pull something like that off. It's the equivalent of the Olympic gold in scatterbrain..ed...ness... Yes, that's definitely a word. Scatterbrainedness. Webster's Dictionary... You're welcome.


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