Wednesday, August 15, 2012

They're Coming! They're Coming!

The Queen has done something that has rarely been accomplished before, dear readers and loyal subjects.  It was an auspicious night.  The stars lined up.  The Gods smiled upon her... including the God of the Great Parking Spot who normally just ignores her and relegates her to the back of the parking lot.  Everything went well!!!  The Queen has prepared a complete dinner for her family... that they all ATE... and that was prepared WITHOUT ANYTHING BURNING!  There was no smoke! There was no fire!  Everything was edible and served without her usual seasoning of fire extinguisher foam!  It has finally happened.  And we all know what that means, don't we?  It's as it was predicted in Revelations (No, not the one in the Bible.  It was some weird book the Queen read in college... or maybe it was a comic.  Whatever!).  Obviously the world is ending and we will now experience the coming of the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

Yes, people I am afraid that I can find no other explanation for the successful preparation of what was, indeed, a delicious dinner than that the world is ending.  Now, I admit that I can't officially confirm that the end will come via Zombie Apocalypse, but based on what I've been seeing on Pinterest... apparently everyone else can.  Now, while I'm certain a case could be made that my current obsession with zombie's may be directly related to the amount of time I've been spending with my new best friend, Pinterest, and that it may be that hour upon hour of staring at funny, pretty, amusing, helpful pictures may be making my eyes bug out a little bit and making me a bit more prone to suggestion than normal, I say "What's your point?"  Regardless of the reasons, I have found myself surrounded by zombie images, both funny and frighteningly serious.  I don't want to alarm the rest of you but some of these pinners have an actual zombie apocalypse family emergency plan!  I have found a list of the first 100 things to likely become scarce and unavailable immediately after the outbreak of said zombie apocalypse.  The people who compiled it encouraged me to have at least two of everything on the list... whether I felt like I needed or would use them or not!  (Secretly I believe these people own stock in the listed products, but who am I to judge?)

Now I'm certain that you will notice that today's post on the zombie apocalypse is accompanied by helpful images featuring zombie kitties.  I did that on purpose, people.  You're welcome!  Now see?  I am providing you with warm fuzzy images to go along with your zombie outbreak planning.  I didn't want to just throw all of this alarming news at you without some kind of padding or shield, if you will.  So voila!  I am using kitties!  Because everyone likes kitties, even zombie kitties!!!  Truly, these are the best sorts of zombies to have.  Their body parts and fur fall off but still, who can resist that face?!  Doesn't it just make you go "Zombies?  Aaaaaaaaw!"  I know it does it for me.  In fact, I am headed out right now to find not one but TWO new kitties that I can bring home and give zombie inspired names... like maybe Rot or Nom or Kim Kardashian.  Kitties weren't on that scarcity list, but I'm pretty sure I should have two of them anyway.  Besides, I'm more likely to have two of those than two portable toilets, which WERE on the list.  Where in the WORLD would I keep those?!

Now then, I am certain that you will all accept this particular post as the public service announcement from the Queen that it was intended to be.  And in that light I have a few more words of wisdom for you.  In the event that a zombie attacks you, do NOT try to set it on fire!  There is only one thing worse than a zombie attack, and that's a FLAMING zombie attack.  And on that note, I leave you, dear readers and loyal subjects.  I have to go find two generators, the plans for some homemade water purifiers, a big ass shot gun, some ammo, and a zombie disguise.  I'll be in my closet if you need me.

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