Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Tooth Fairy Is A Stripper

My youngest daughter lost a tooth tonight.  Okay, she didn't exactly LOSE it, but she did sit still long enough to let me pull it out.  That's quite the accomplishment for this kid!  You see the last time she lost a tooth, she refused to let anyone touch it.  It was literally hanging there in her mouth attached by what I'm pretty sure was some kind of natural bungee cord in one corner only.  Otherwise, it sort of flopped around in her mouth.  But far be it from her to let anyone pull it out!  Apparently she thought it would hurt.  She was so stubborn that she actually wiggled the tooth until it fell out in her hand, the fact of which she only accidently discovered when she couldn't figure out what was IN her hand.  I'm still shocked she didn't swallow it.  But this time, things were different!  She was brave!  She was ready!... She wanted that Tooth Fairy cash!

There she is... and there it isn't.

So about that whole Tooth Fairy thing.... My youngest daughter, Kitten is what we call her at home, is a driven sort of child.  She likes a lot of things a great deal, but she REALLY likes some cash!  Not sure where she gets that from.... it's probably MPH (My Poor Husband)'s fault.  Anyway, the child is really focused on how much money is coming.  She's been telling me since before it came out that she hoped the Tooth Fairy would leave her $10.  I have been telling her just as long that I don't think the Tooth Fairy leaves that much!  But is she discouraged?  Nooooooooooo!  She told me again tonight and informed me that since I wasn't the Tooth Fairy, I didn't know.  Besides, apparently MAYBE she'll bring that much is good enough.

Well I don't know how it is at your house, but at mine, the Tooth Fairy does bring $10 for the first tooth.  Now that I think about it, my oldest got $20, but to be fair, she had her first 3 teeth pulled all at once by the dentist because there just wasn't room in her little mouth for teeth to come in.  I figure that's worth $20. She was a trooper.  Subsequent teeth, however, go for around $5.  This is what I kept telling Kitten.  There was only one problem.  The Tooth Fairy at my house only had a ten dollar bill!  Hmmmm, do we break the rule or find change.... yeah, we find change.  Otherwise a broken rule pretty much has to stay broken with my kids.  They have the memory of elephants.... when cash is involved.  So off I go to try to find some fives.

Now since MPH isn't home, and obviously I don't have anything but a ten, I go looking for Hanna, our au pair.  I quickly swear her in as a deputy Tooth Fairy (this sort of thing is important,  you know), and explain the rules of the game.  Her job is to keep to the Tooth Fairy code... and by keep to the Tooth Fairy code, of course I mean find me some change.  And we were in luck!  Hanna was able to fulfill her responsibilities as a deputy Tooth Fairy beautifully.... sort of.  You see Hanna didn't have any fives.  What she did have was 11 or 12 ones!  As she's counting out ten of them to break my ten dollar bill, I watched her and finally asked, "What are you doing? Stripping on the side?!"  I've never seen someone break out so many ones like that at the drop of a hat.  I checked them carefully for oil, but apparently she's laundered them in some way.  Because of course Hanna assures me that yes, she's been stripping and I have discovered her secret.  I'm guessing she's doing it between when she finishes her college classes and when she picks up the girls from school.... which really can't be a great shift... I'm going to have to talk to this girl.  Or maybe she's doing it after I go to bed!.... on the roof or something.  Who knows?!

Can't you just see her....errrrr..... him working that pole now?!  Okay, I think my eyes are bleeding.  That one may have just been too much even for me!

The point here is that the Tooth Fairy is going to be leaving lots of small bills tonight, and I'm betting I'm going to be on my hands and knees in the morning trying to locate them all after Kitten has slept on that pillow and scattered them all over the floor.  She's not the most stationary sleeper I've ever seen.  So I'm off to wait for Kitten to go to sleep so I can saunter on in in my 5 inch stilettos and leave her some ones!  Someone wish me luck.  I may end up in the floor early in those things!

Holy cannoli!  No sooner did I finish this post than I find this!
Apparently the Tooth Fairy IS a stripper!  I'll be darned.


  1. My husband always has a very large wad of singles. It truly makes me wonder sometimes! Can you ask your au pair if she knows him. I'd appreciate it.

    I love my son. When he lost his first tooth he told me he hoped the tooth fairy brought him a 50 cent piece. (My son may be a nerd. The jury is still out.) (Do nerds play Pokemon?) (Crap, my son is totally a nerd.) Anyway, he had already stolen all the 50 cent pieces we had to put in his collection so when it finally fell out I was unprepared. All I had was a gold Sacajawea dollar. In the morning when he showed me I told him the tooth fairy must pay up for his first tooth. I also convinced him that we should leave his tooth on his window sill (right next to his bed) so that the tooth fairy had easy access. I told him we didn't want the tooth fairy to get squished under his pillow trying to find the microscopic baby tooth he had lost. Thankfully he thought this was a fabulous idea. (He can be very considerate when money is involved.) And now I've set myself up for some savings since "paying up" was a dollar. I just better get some more fifty cent pieces before the next time so I am ready!

    1. Oh wow, I love that! I've used the line "We don't want your tooth to fall behind the bed so the Tooth Fairy can't find it," before but I definitely like the potential squish concept! I am totally stealing that. I'll credit you... I'm sure my kids will be pleased. :)

      I'll ask Hanna about your husband. Check for oily bills! I'm just sayin'.

  2. My dad is in the process of cleaning out his house, since my husband and I are moving in with him, and he informed me he found an envelope containing my old baby teeth.

    Ew. You guys kept those.

    1. OMG I have all my kids' baby teeth in zip lock bags in my cedar chest with their names on them. My mother even gave me some of mine when she moved recently.... Okay, it's sort of macabre. Maybe I can use them for Halloween!!! I'm thinking necklace and earrings.


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