Monday, September 24, 2012

Wound Tighter Than A Tick!

Okay, so the Queen can be a bit of a bear when she's feeling.... we'll just call it moody to start with.  Yeah, that sounds like a nice way of saying complete and total psycho bitch, don't you think?!  Not that I'd know.... complete and total psycho bitches NEVER know, but I've read it online... about me.  Scary, right?  Anyway, if the fact that the majority of my post on Friday night was dedicated to the fact that I really should have been drunk and just wasn't didn't kind of lead you in the direction of knowing that I really was creeping up on a giant case of the moody's, then I'm not sure much of anything would have given you the warning that was really needed here.  My poor family figured it out though... bless their hearts.

You know, when I started getting really upset over absolutely nothing... okay not nothing but little things... well now that I think about it, Friday REALLY annoyed me though probably a bit out of proportion to what it should have since I can't point to one thing that annoyed me.  I think it was an issue of everyone else breathing that annoyed me, but I'm not sure. Okay yeah, I really should have realized that something was wrong about that time.  It takes a lot to really upset me, you know, unless you happen to have been around this weekend.  Then it took inhaling.  But haven't we ALL had those days?  (Saying yes to me now would be a REALLY good idea.  I'm just sayin'.)  But I think I figured it out.  I have a bad case of PS!

And just what is PS, you ask?  Well I'm assuming you asked because I'd feel awfully silly if you decided that PS stands what it usually stands for which is Post Script because I definitely do NOT have a bad case of the Post Scripts unless you consider the fact that I keep swerving off topic to explain why I don't have what you potentially think I have as a Post Script, but if you do, yeah then I have some bad Post Scriptitis.  PS in this case, however, does NOT stand for Post Script.  Nope, instead it's the version of PMS that I get.

You see, for me PMS is different.  I still get the hormonal part but I don't get the M part.  This is thanks to that lovely IUD I have, which my gynecologist sold to me as "the cadillac of birth control," and it totally is!  If you can get past the part where you have it placed (which feels a lot like they take this small device and pass it through your cervix and up into your brainstem), then the whole thing really is fabulous!  (And no, I won't let them do that to me again without using elephant tranquilizers on me first.  Horse tranquilizers won't even cut it for this thing!)  The upside is that you get either very light or NO menstrual cycles.  I'm a BIG fan of NO menstraul cycles, which is what this thing does for me.  Well that and it keeps me from getting pregnant again, and I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.  The Queen loves her little princesses, but frankly, three may be the death of me.  Four would surely do me in!  But regardless, who could truly turn down the "cadillac of birth control?"  Not this girl!!!

So now that I don't get that whole M part of PMS, it can be a little tricky to figure out when I have it.  Oh and it also makes me paranoid that I'm pregnant ALL THE TIME!  In fact, I will periodically decide that I'm so moody that I MUST be pregnant.  I've spent a small fortune on pregnancy tests that all say they're negative but should probably just tell me in a very calm and potentially electronic voice "You are bat shit crazy again because you have PMS.  Relax and quit buying pregnancy tests."  It's a shame they don't sell that kind of pregnancy test because it would TOTALLY apply here.  So anyway, I'm stuck with the fact that I usually just get really cranky, go supernova crazy about something that really shouldn't bother any sane person (again I reference that whole breathing issue), and eventually figure out that my face is breaking out too and so this is likely the PS that I get.  

On the plus side, I always apologize once I figure out that it's really not them because it really is me.  When I went nuclear over my daughters deciding that they needed to practice their piano yesterday purely because I had sat down to practice for MY lesson, I waited until bed time but I did apologize.  I told them that Mommy was just wound a little too tight last night and that she loved them more than anything.  Ever the little pragmatist, my middle child told me it was alright and that she had figured I that I probably needed a nap.  I decided that sounded better than trying to explain the whole PMS business without the M.  So now if anyone needs me, I'm going to go take a nap... it's probably in everyone's best interest.  Besides, I think I'm out of Jack Daniels!


  1. Yes we all have those days!
    Big of you to admit it. I usually deny that my anger is caused by PMS and stubbornly stand by my belief that it was rude of my husband to ask me not to burp into the phone.

    1. That's not PMS! That's a valid point! Keep the faith, girlfriend! I've got your back.


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