Monday, September 17, 2012

Where Are My Crayons?

I had a great weekend, dear readers and loyal subjects.  MPH (My Poor Husband) and I went away for the weekend, just the two of us.  And by just the two of us I mean really..... just the two of us!  There were no kids.  There were no pets.  There was no family.  It was him.... and me.  Well it was mostly me.  MPH is pretty good about just going along for the ride when I get a plan in my head.  This was definitely one of those times.  But since we were truly away for the weekend without any children, it occurred to me that I needed to make the most of the time. There were things I figured I should do before the inevitable happened and I missed them and wanted to go home again.  I am proud to say that I got a lot done on my list.  And because I know that so many of you have children as well, I thought it would be good to let you in on the sort of list that you really should make in case you find yourself with child-free time as well.  So here it is!

1.  Stay in a hotel that is fancy enough that you can NOT expect to hear children running up and down the halls screaming and laughing while they work off some energy.  If you DO hear that sort of thing, you should probably call and complain. I mean really!  Who lets their kids do that when you don't have yours doing it already?!

2.  Go out to dinner.... without asking for crayons from the hostess!  Well, I did okay on this one, but I will admit that while I was waiting for my entree, it did occur to me that having some crayons might be nice.  Or maybe it wouldn't since I didn't have a coloring sheet on the back of my menu and the table cloth really was that.... cloth!

3.  Go to Ben and Jerry's for ice cream then EAT YOUR OWN ice cream.  Do NOT share.  MPH tried to get a bit of mine but that turned out badly for him.  I was totally serious about this one.

This kid totally gets it.

4.  Go to an outdoor festival and walk through the shops without having to hear "Mom!  Mom! Mom!!! Did you see that?!  Can I have it?!  I want one!" etc.  You should, however, mention to your spouse every few minutes that you just KNOW that's what the kids would be yelling if they were there to see this hella-cool stuff!  Then proceed to ask your significant other if you can have something about once every 2.3 minutes.  That'll make them not miss the kids so badly.  You're helping, really.

5.  Play with the kittens and puppies that the animal shelter brought to the festival without also having to hear anyone beg to be allowed to keep them all.... other than you, of course.  Again, MPH can deal with some whining or he'd feel like he'd missed the totally experience.  I was doing him a favor.

6.  Sleep late.  Wake up and realize you've slept late, then roll over, close your eyes and try your darndest to sleep even later!  Who knows when you'll have this chance again.

7.  Drink and entire bottle of wine with dinner.  Do NOT explain to any children that it's okay for Mommy to have an adult beverage every now and then and that no it does not stink.

8.  When your spouse asks what the heck he's doing in such a fancy hotel, tell him he's with you... welcome to some freakin' class!

9.  Walk past the toy store.  Do not pause.  Do not stop.  Do not go in... unless you see something really cool in the window that it occurs to you that YOU might want, now that you think about it!

10.  Buy yourself a surprise.  Don't buy one for anyone else.  Be selfish!  You deserve it.  You totally rock!

11.  Dance around your hotel room mid-morning after sleeping late while singing the "It's all about ME" song because who knows when that will be the truth again!

12.  Use every swear word you know as often as possible because there are no kids to a) fuss at you for swearing or b) save that particular word and it's appropriate usage for later when you least expect it!

13.  Eventually realize that you've had a great time but wouldn't it be fun if we could do it all again and bring the kids?  No?  Fine then.  I miss them.  Let's go home.  

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