They Don't Mean Me.... Do They?!

You know, I wouldn't have thought it had been two years already since the last time I received the letter I received today.  Apparently, however, it has.  Yes, it's that time of every biannual period of time for me to receive the letter that summons me to.... JURY DUTY!!!!  Can you even begin to imagine?!

Yes, it's true.  I have been summoned to serve my local county on jury duty.  I am less than pleased at the prospect but I do have a little confession to make.  I've never actually had to show up for jury duty before now.  You see, I've always had a reason that I truly couldn't stop and serve.  I was either still in school.... working in a setting where life and death was on the line.... solely responsible for the migratory patterns of all birds in North America.....dealing with the imminent melt down of every snowman in the county....or busy being generally awesomesauce and therefore, simply not available to just drop everything and run to report to jury duty!  Unfortunately at this point in time, none of those things are true!  Well crap!

Now let's take a moment to be fair here.  Exactly who really wants to walk in and find ME on any jury of their peers?  Frankly, my peers would probably walk in, take one look at me, slam down their glass of wine on the defense table and turn to yell at the judge "But she was with me when it happened!  She swore it was all a great idea!  I was following her lead!!!"  And I'm not sure that not being sworn in at the time would keep me from standing up, yelling "Hell, yeah!  And wasn't it a blast?!" back at them.  This is me we're talking about!!!  Face it, I plan to show up with a thermos full of nuclear powered espresso and a full box of cupcakes, neither of which I plan to share!  I am every lawyer's worst nightmare!  I'm manic.  I'm totally random.  I'm a little OCD, and I really like expressing all of those attributes whenever possible!!!

Now while, I'm sort of excited about seeing our justice system at work (says the woman who has studiously avoided both that and the sight of sausage being made up to this point), I do have to say that I do have a few concerns still.  First of all, while I no longer perform air traffic control for migratory birds as a hobby, I still do sort of feel like it's important that I show up for silly things like oh... say... work.  I think the people who have to pick of the slack for me when I'm not there would probably agree, but we all know that mostly I like the money I get paid when I DO show up.  I'm not positive but I STRONGLY suspect that jury duty won't be nearly as lucrative as knitting dolls made to look like every character on Firefly.  Oh wait, that's not my job.  Ummm, if anyone talks to my boss, please tell her that I don't EVER do that at work.  (Hi, Cherie!)  My other concern is related to the dress code, of course.  I mean, if I'm showing up officially, someone needs to help me out here.  Exactly what style crown should I be wearing to this soiree?  Should I go full on regalia or maybe a less flashy tiara would do?  You know, it really is a lot harder to be the Queen than people give me credit for.

So anyway, I have 2 weeks to prepare for my official summons.  I'm polishing my tiaras.  I'm trying to figure out how to shove more caffeine into my espressos.  I'm wondering how many espressos and cupcakes I can tolerate before I start bouncing off the walls of the jury room singing show tunes completely off key and loving every minute of it.  I'm trying to figure out if I can substitute wine for the espresso and make it an even MORE interesting day.  I'm also trying to figure out the best tone of voice when I stand up and yell "GUILTY!" before I'm even selected for a jury.  Oh yeah, this is going to be fun.  Where do I sign up?!