Sunday, September 9, 2012

You Know You're In Trouble When...

It's going to be one of those posts tonight where I talk about my children, dear readers and loyal subjects.  Actually I'm going to talk about one of my children because she makes me laugh... even though I realize this same child will likely be the death of me before it's all over.  Yes, my youngest (the one who learned to use the F word a week or so ago (Click here if you missed it) has been at it again this weekend.  Thankfully she was profanity free but somehow that doesn't stop her from getting some rather pointed comments in.  And she's only 6!!!  I am dooooooooooomed!

This has definitely been me this weekend.

It started out innocently enough.  Friday night I looked at this beautiful girl... my baby... and told her, "You are one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen."  It was meant as a compliment.  She truly is a lovely little monster.... I mean child.  I didn't quite get the response I had anticipated, however.  Instead my child looked me straight in the eyes, waited a beat as if to make sure she heard that right and asked me, "One of?"  Yes, people.  She went there!  MPH was next to me and laughing hysterically.  I stared blinking after her as she turned and walked out of the room.  As she was leaving he yelled, "Baby, you're THE most beautiful child I'VE ever seen," which rewarded him with "Yes!" yelled back over her shoulder, and left me wondering where I'd failed as a mother.  Doomed, I tell you!

Today, I got something a bit different.  We're riding in the car and she's behind me blowing raspberries over and over and over again.  I ask her to stop, but she explains that she has stuff coming out of her mouth and she's watching it.  I groan and inform her that she's simply spitting and I'd like for her to stop.  At this point she assures me that she's not spitting because whatever is coming out is floating in the air so it's definitely not spit.  Since I'm driving, I figure it's poor form to bang my head against the steering wheel but after a moment, I call back over my shoulder "What else do you figure it is coming out of your mouth if it's not spit?!"  Well, I should have realized she would have some kind of answer to that question.  What I wasn't prepared for was what it was.  "Maybe it's a superpower!"  Yup, you got it.  My six year old is claiming super power raspberry blowing ability.  On days like today, I'm awfully glad my own super power is awesomeness.  I'd hate to be stuck with the whole super spitting thing.

So that's my six year old in a nutshell.  What I'm left wondering, however, is if these little situations are addressed in all those parenting books that I failed to read.  I'm figuring I'm doing something wrong somewhere.  I'm just hoping that I'm letting her achieve just enough weirdness to be interesting later.  Also, if those parenting books are able to anticipate the things I deal with with this child in particular, I'm betting they're a lot more interesting reading that I ever figured!

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