Thursday, July 26, 2012

Because Peanut Butter Is A Food Group

I noticed something today, dear readers and loyal subjects.  It's something that probably should have occurred to me years earlier, but for some reason, knife in hand, it hit me today.  I don't know about where you live, but in my house peanut butter is a food group... and possibly a form of currency.

Now I will be the first to admit that I love me some peanut butter.  As far as I'm concerned it's a meal to itself.  All I need is a knife or a spoon and a jar of Peter Pan creamy peanut butter and life is good!  (This is not an ad.  It just happens to be my preference.  Peanut butter loyalty is kind of like loyalty in the mob.)  My children have picked this habit up from me as well.  Unfortunately they think it's a meal too.  I'm expecting the Department of Social Services to hear about this and show up at my house any  minute now.  So far I've dodged them!

Yeah yeah.  This is the stuff.  It's like cocaine only legal... and fattening.

So peanut butter is strangely sacrosanct in my house.  How do I know that MPH (My Poor Husband) loves me, you ask?  It's easy.  He will walk upstairs at lunch when I'm in my office *cough* working *cough* and bring a new jar of peanut butter and a knife with him.  He will open it in front of me and give me the first swipe from the jar.  THAT is love, people!  (Or it's fear.  I might have had some serious hissy fits in the past when I realized he'd started a jar without me.  Who knows!)

Of course, MPH thinks that head butting me is a sign of affection too.  I still remember the first time he did it.  We were dating and sitting there and suddenly he head butts me out of NOWHERE!  I was all like "What the hell was that?!"  He told me it was a sign of affection.  I told him he needed to get a new sign of affection.  Maybe that's where the peanut butter swipe came from.  Unfortunately that head butt thing never went away either.  In fact, it turned out to be genetic.  Our kids do it to me too!  I'm seriously not sure what that's all about.  And the thing is that I married him knowing that he was going to head butt me for the rest of our lives, typically when I least expect it!  I'm really not sure what that says about me, people.

So this is what I was thinking about today about the time I was having spoonfuls of peanut butter and calling it lunch.  I bitch about not being able to lose weight.  Gee.  Wonder what I'm doing wrong?!

Oh the hell with weight loss. Look!  It comes in a 6 pound tub!  Gotta go, people.  Heading to Sams Club right now!

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