Queen: I need my own cult.
MPH: I know. You've been saying that for years.
Queen: Yes, I have. Those statements have been HINTS! I was hoping you'd get me one for my birthday.
MPH: You were hoping I'd get you your own cult? Aren't you supposed to build your own?
Queen: You know I'm not a do-it-yourselfer.
MPH: True. I probably should have realized.
Queen: It's a good thing you're cute because you can be slow with some of these things.
I have decided to use this picture of me with a giant sloth in all cult publicity and recruiting. Because how can you NOT join a cult run by a woman who could mesmerize and control a giant sloth?
MPH: Yeeeesssss. What would you do with your own cult anyway?
Queen: Oh we'd go out and do good.... in a mass-ish cult-y sort of way.
Queen: Yes. We'd do talk therapy for chipmunks with body image issues. We'd rescue unicorns that get their heads caught in chicken wire. Stuff like that.
Queen: Oh and we'd be at the forefront of the fight against bathing suits that don't fit our curves. They shouldn't be allowed to make those things.
MPH: What about for people who don't curve as much as you?
Queen: Everyone should curve as much as me. This is a group mentality. You need to get with the program or we'll throw you in the box.
MPH: The box? Great. I'm almost afraid to ask but what would you call this cult?
Queen: That's a good question. Hmmmm. How about the Cult of the Queen and her Minions? Oh! I want minions too!
Where can I get some of these again?
MPH: You've been calling the kids your minions for a while now. What about them?
Queen: Well I do realize that one day they'll grow up, decide I'm not as cool as I think they should think I am, and then they'll decide to just go off the deep end and think for themselves. I need non-thinking minions. Then they can do my bidding... until the mother ship comes.
MPH: The mother ship?
Queen: Yeah, I'm still working on where we're going in it. This having a cult is hard work, it turns out. I'm getting a headache from thinking so hard.
MPH: Oh yes. I am too, now that you mention it. Of course I think the cause is different.
Then MPH took some aspirin and told me he needed to lie down, but that I should let him know if the mother ship arrives. Silly man. The mother ship isn't expected for another couple of weeks now. When will he ever learn?