Crochet for Perverts... I Think

I spent part of this past weekend at a retreat that was held in a tea shop.  Now I'm bringing this up now not to talk about the retreat/workshop (which was exceptional, by the way) but because I absolutely LOVED the name of the tea shop!  And quite frankly, I loved the shop itself.  So I've decided to tell you about it... and ask for some help with one aspect that finally just escaped explanation.

Now there have been a few times in my life when I noticed that I really liked the name of some commercial establishment in particular.  I remember a hair salon named Cherry Bomb.  I have no idea why that appealed to me as much as it did, but I'm sorry.  I would TOTALLY name a hair salon Cherry Bomb!  It's all like "oooh la-la" the KAPOW! on top of it.  That completely makes sense, right?  Well, it does in my little world.  Anyway, this wasn't a hair salon.  It was a tea shop.  Thus its name wasn't Cherry Bomb.  No this tea shop was named The Tipsy Teapot.  How cute is that?!  I loved it!  Alright, I'd have probably named an establishment The Drunken Hussy but I think they probably picked the more marketable name.  I'm just sayin'.

It did, however, turn out to be a spectacular tea shop on top of that!  It was the sort of place that had shelves of books lining the walls.  You could read them for a bit, and you could buy them if you wanted.  It had couches and tables and sitting areas everywhere for you to enjoy your pot of tea, sandwich, book or just sit and chat with friends.  It also had cute little knick knacks for sale.  There were lots of tea pots.  There were doodads like this...

Because OMG those are cute!!!!  MPH is lucky they didn't come home with me.  He's even luckier that these next items didn't.  And the only reason they didn't, which now that I think about it really isn't much of a valid reason at all, is that I couldn't figure out what they were.  That's where you all come in. Someone help me with this. What are these?!

I know the picture doesn't do them justice and I have a really hard time even explaining them, but here goes a try.  They were knitted or crocheted... I honestly don't know which.  There was a tube on the bottom that was sort of stiff and then this fluffy, fuzzy top that sat... well... on top!  They had them in different sizes.  Some were bigger than these (you can see the size compared to the pins holding them to the cork board), and some were tiny.  You could pull the top off and that left you with something looking like a naked stem.  And that made me feel like I'd made them slightly pornographic, because who wants a naked stem?!  So I put the tops back on.

Honestly, they sort of looked like crocheted cupcakes!  Or maybe they were knitted ice cream cones... or mushrooms.  Or maybe they really were something pornographic and kinky and I was just too naive to figure it out!  Stranger things have happened, people.  In fact now that I think about it, I'm betting they were.  These were likely created based on some scene in Shades of Gray that I just skimmed over because by the end of that book there was SO MUCH sex that I really just wasn't that interested in it anymore.  That would make it make a LOT more sense!

Now before you go and say it, I do realize that I could have simply asked what these things were when I was in the shop... but I didn't.  Now think about it.  If I'd asked what these things were then they probably would have told me.  And then... what would I have to speculate wildly and likely inappropriately about with all of you, dear readers and loyal subjects.  Yes, once again I  have done this for you.  The Queen is a giver.  You're welcome.

Oh yeah, I will probably break down, call up the Tipsy Teapot and order myself one of these... whatever they are.  Just don't tell MPH (My Poor Husband).  I'm going to tell him I got it for him.  Should be fun to let HIM try to figure it out!