Monday, July 23, 2012

It Takes One To Know One

The Queen has been accused of being a lot of different things.  Fortunately "boring" has never been one of them.  That is why it should come as no surprise to anyone that my first visit to the much anticipated drag show this past weekend wouldn't have been complete without me ending up on stage as well.  The best that I can tell, it's a matter of it taking a Queen to know a Queen... even if it's a Queen of a different color.  And yes, I did just mix my metaphors there.  I've been on stage with a 7 foot tall drag queen.  Don't even BOTHER to  judge me.  It's likely just too confusing to try.

So let's just set the stage here, dear readers and loyal subjects.  MPH (My Poor Husband) and I went out with our friends Melanie (yes, wet pirates Melanie), her husband Donny, and two new friends, Cole and Brandy to the drag show titled "The Lady and The Tramp."  The headliners were The Lady Chablis and Patti O'Furniture.  (I think Patti was the tramp but don't tell her I told you so!)

This is Melanie and me... frighteningly, this is pretty much of a "Before" picture.  Try to keep that in mind!  (Yes, my dress was low cut.  I wasn't about to come and be shown up by drag queens!  A girl has to stand her ground/stake a claim or whatever phrasing works here.  I'm a Queen, dammit!)

Now this was, indeed, my first trip to a drag show, and I will admit that we did stick out as one of the few heterosexual couples there.  But hey, that's just never phased us.  So when Patti O'Furniture came out to start the show, I was right there waving cash for tips and yelling and singing along and having about as much fun as it should be legal to have!  Then the Lady Chablis came out and it just got even wilder.  She is NOT afraid to claim to be a heterosexual white woman, people!

This is The Lady Chablis... rocking a dress I could NEVER get away with.  They don't call her Bitch for nothing, people!

And this is Patti... the previously mentioned 7 foot tall drag queen.  She was FABULOUS!!!!  Oh and she had great taste, as we shall soon see.

So there we sat having a fabulous time and enjoying the show.  Our group had a VIP table in the very front.  We got lots of time to interact with both Patti and Chablis.  They each came over during their performances, but I finally had to hand it to Patti.  It turns out that one good queen just instinctively knows another.  She zeroed in on me and minutes later, I'm up on stage with her!  Alright... she zeroed in on my favorite accessories... I had on a low cut dress and had brought "The Girls" out for the night!  Apparently she recognized an "amazing rack" when she saw one.  And that, dear readers and loyal subjects, is how I ended up on stage... pretty much.  

You see, she was chatting to everyone when she came over and pointed us out as a nice "heterosexual couple."  She talked to MPH, who confirmed her suspicions, then she pointed out that I did have an amazing rack.  She asked MPH if he enjoyed it and he said "sure."  (I can't make this stuff up, people!  Well, I could but in this case, I haven't.)  Apparently "sure" wasn't a good enough answer in Patti's mind, so she felt we needed some consensus drawn.  So there I was on stage with Patti asking "the lesbians in the house" how they liked my cleavage.  You know, it's a good thing I'm not shy!!  Though to be honest, I probably wouldn't have been there if I were.  It's safe to say that the show was raucous and that I contributed as best I could... mostly by wearing a low cut dress and rolling with the punches. I'd like to take this moment to point out that I had a fantastic time with this episode.  I'd also like to point out that Melanie somehow managed to lock herself into the bathroom and missed the whole thing!  I have such weird friends.

On stage... I told you!!!

It's just good to be appreciated!

Suffice it to say that a wild night was had by all and that everyone at this club was just incredible.  I had everyone from Patti, to the club owners to random club patrons coming up to me afterwards to make sure I hadn't been offended and that I knew they were happy to have us there.  I almost hated to tell them that they had to work a LOT harder than that to offend me!  The Queen knows how to go with the flow!

I'll also say that Melanie did try to make it up to me later for missing my celebrity 15 minutes (more like 5 but you know what I mean).  Because she's the best sort of friend ever, she let me wipe my hands on her to get the chicken wing grease off later on.  Isn't she the coolest?!  I'm making sure I invite her over the next time I have ribs or something!

See now? I warned you that other picture almost seemed subdued earlier!  We should probably  not be allowed out together.

But this whole story has a moral, dear readers and loyal subjects.  I shudder to think what it might be, so I'm going to go with one that I made up instead!  You're welcome.  And here it is!  It may be a lot of work being the Queen, but it's NEVER.... EVER.... EVER boring!  Party on, peeps!


  1. Ha! Had I been invited, which I clearly was not, we would have had a Royal Rack War! You would have still won, but not with without an epic battle involving Royal Posteriors too. I mean, just this Thursday, I made shoved T (aka The Royal Jester) out of the booth at one of our favorite restaurants so I could twirl around in front of the owner and ask - "You like??" His somewhat delayed reaction (as he clearly searched for the appropriate response in front of T and all the other diners was - "Well, yes I do!" Fortunately, we know him well! :-)

    BTW - Key West has the best drag queens. Ask The Jester. He actually was groped by one! Tell YPH he should be thankful for not getting that!

    The slightly offended, but stick rack-a-licious Dutchess of All Things Good

    1. And this is why I have siblings, dear readers and loyal subjects. Turns out the Queen isn't the only crazy one in the family! Poooooooooor Jester! I might feel more sorry for him than I do MPH... or maybe not.

  2. The Jester thoroughly enjoyed his groping, despite the confusing gender appearances. Consider it a case of Jester's juggling balls.

    1. See below... I didn't hit reply... I'm the Queen. I can do no wrong.

  3. Okay, that made me snort! Well played, Jester!!!!


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