Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Because It Was Inevitable... Shades Of Gray Porn

We're going to start out today, dear readers and loyal subjects, with a picture right up front.  Are you ready?  It was sent to me by the Butlette and is the truth, I swear it!

Yes, you guessed it.  It has finally happened.  I've been asked and asked and asked, and so I have finally given in.  I am writing today about Shades of Gray book series.  Lord help us all.

I'm going to go ahead and tell you all that the Queen has not yet read Fifty Shades of Gray or even Forty-Nine Shades of Gray or any other number of shades.  It's not that I have any issue with the subject matter at all because I don't, but frankly I've been doing a bit too much writing lately to get much reading done.  (On a literary side note, I did just finish Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman tonight and I'm indulging in the next  Sookie Stackhouse novel starting tomorrow, but eventually I may get around to this whole Gray thing.)  So with that in mind, I will still pontificate... or at the very least babble on for a bit about what I do know of the series.

1.  OMG Women like porn?!!!  Are you SURE?!!!  (I'm oozing sarcasm here for those of you who haven't figured it out.  It's hard to express ooze in the printed word though.)  Yes!  Yes, women enjoy erotica as much as the next girl... or guy... or whoever.  We have active imaginations and don't look now but we like sex too! Sssssssh!  Don't tell.

What I find funny here is that this is apparently a big shock to a lot of people.  How can that be?!  Have you taken a look at the romance section of any bookstore lately?!  It's HUGE!!!  There are trashy romance novels just stacked in there!  My personal favorites are the bodice busters.  Those are the ones with some heaving heroine on the cover with Atlas himself and one or both of them trying to rip off her bodice.  That, my friends, is how you judge good smut!  You're welcome.  But really, these books have always been mostly erotica.  The only difference between these books and whatever pseudo-story claims are being made in Penthouse is that there's a plot.  Chicks dig a plot.  Guys... don't find it quite as necessary, bless their hearts.

2.  BDSM, Porn and Sex, Oh my!  Yes, women know what that is too.  In fact, I believe that a fair percentage of the participants in the whole BDSM scene are women.  It's not just a bunch of guys running around acting out scenes with blow up sex dolls... though I sort of suspect there's a bit of that going on too.

3. This one is the Butlette's fault again, but if this guy is so wealthy and buys our sexually enlightened heroine so many gifts, why can he not get her a toothbrush.  I understand she has to use his.  Oral hygiene is important, people!  Without reading the book yet, I'm not certain if flossing is mentioned at all, but I'm holding out hope that it is.

4.  Words of advice to all of you out there who are having more than a little bit of fun experimenting.  Be careful out there!!!  This is a work of FICTION!!!!  You and your lover have NOT suddenly been turned into this particular couple!

And if things go badly, it's going to be REALLY embarrassing to explain exactly what happened during your visit to the ER.  But trust me, it'll be HIGHLY amusing to the ER staff.

And on that note, may I just give a shout out to my many friends who are nurses.  Happy Nurses Week!  The Queen loves you all!  Now go out there and have fun.  Just don't hurt yourselves!

Addendum:  Holy cannoli, I just found this.  Run!  Watch it!  Ellen Degeneres reads Fifty Shades of Gray!  I died!  Ellen, you ROCK!


  1. I've purchased you a signed copy of the series. And... I've turned the AC on in the mansion, you're welcome!

  2. I read the whole series in one weekend. I cannot believe you haven't read it yet! The Queen needs to get reading. New ideas! LOL


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