Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Not So Weekly Random Update

Yes, it's that time again, dear readers and loyal subjects.  It's time for all the random crap that I run across that amuses me to be held up for your personal enjoyment.  What you really need to imagine here is me sitting beside you showing you each thing and squealing "Can you believe this?!" Because that is TOTALLY what I would do!  Well I would do that and then try to talk you into buying me a venti latte at Starbucks because the caffeine high makes me uber happy!  It's not pretty but frankly, I have no shame.  Anyway!  This week I found a few funnies for you that just didn't really fit into their own posts, so without further ado, here we go!

First on the list, I have finally found the minivan for me.  Don't get me wrong, I already broke down, surrendered my cool card and bought a minivan years ago but I'm upgrading.  Bring back the cool points! This minivan is for me!

Because Animal is never NOT cool!

Next we have the google key word searches that led people to the blog this past week that made me giggle.  I swear I am not making these up:

1. Grabbing huge ass - I can't even BEGIN to figure out how this led MULTIPLE people to this blog.  You know, I can usually hazard a guess but here... I got nothing!

2.  Ninja monkey - This one just makes me smile because ninja monkeys ROCK!  I'm still looking for one of my own.

3.  pictures of the pterodactyl - this one seems benign but it makes me laugh to think of some confused kids just trying to find really cool pterodactyl pictures who ended up at my blog instead.  Sorry kids!!!

This next one really makes me smile!  It's official.  I have won.  I was notified by one reader earlier this week that she laughed so hard while reading the blog that she actually had an episode of incontinence.  She told me she had to get up out of bed, take a shower, and change clothes.  As a result and as a gift to all our new readers, the blog now comes with a complementary pack of Depends Adult Diapers!  You're welcome.

And here we have words that someone apparently forgot.  Ready?  Drowning is NOT funny.  I have no idea why it is to these people but truly, they should have some decorum about it!  Either that or someone should really rethink this graphic.  (By the way, thanks to George Takei for this one.  If you don't follow him on Facebook, you are seriously missing out on the funnies!)

And finally (Not really. I'm lying.  I do that.), I would like to share the lesson on stress management that was sent to me by one of my wonderful colleagues from work.  Thank you Sylvan!

Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is so clear you can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.

There now, feeling better?

And this, you wonderful people, leads into my last picture to share.  Here it is, and it's oh so very true for me!  I hope you all have a great day!


  1. I like the serene visualisation, I'm tempted to record it onto my iPhone so I can listen to it when someone is pissing me off. I'll just have to work on imagining their heads under the water though...

  2. Oh gosh that drowning one is hilarious. My friend is following him on facebook. I really need to get on it. she's always telling me about his random, hilarious pictures. That last one is super hilarious too.

    Thanks for sharing. Made my night.


  3. The serene visualization is always appropriate, or so I've found. In fact, it seems to be particularly effective if you think it while smiling sweetly at someone who knows they're pissing you off! It seems to make them nervous. :)

    And yes, George Takei is ALWAYS hysterical! He's my BFF... I just haven't told him yet.

  4. This is brilliant-- I just subscribed! My favorites are a toss up between the drowning LOL guy and the motivational "don't commit homicide" poster. Keep up the good work!


  5. Yay, Heaton! Welcome to the royal court. Your tiara is totally on the way!


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