Friday, May 11, 2012

Decorating with Socks

The Queen has many and varied gifts and talents.  MANY!  And it's a good thing because she's a wee bit deficient in some areas which are more than made up for by the others... unless you want your house cleaned or something.  Now we're all well aware of the Queen's inability to cook without having the fire department come by to check and see what's causing all the smoke, but it turns out that my domestic deficiencies aren't limited to the kitchen.  In fact, it pretty much extends to any task that might be considered "domestic."  For the purposes of limiting this post, however, we're just going to talk about cleaning today.  So the Queen can't clean.  It still turns out there are lessons to be learned from that.  And just for you, here they are!

1.  A child's sock on the stairs at my house has a lifespan of about 1 week before anyone bothers to pick it up if I don't.  Actually, it's probably longer because eventually I got fed up and picked it up myself.  I figured perhaps I should start buying them in coordinating colors and decorating with them. 

 See?  It's kind of pretty and artsy!  My youngest daughter agrees.  I asked her to throw a pair of socks into the laundry room today, and she took me literally.  When she came back giggling I did investigate and noticed that she'd managed to throw and drape one sock over the top of the door.  She was quite pleased with herself.

Now this next picture turns out to be one that I didn't stage.  I truly just walked upstairs to my office from doing something downstairs only to find this:

What makes this particular picture funny is that it's true!  You see this is not the first time I've walked up the stairs, down the halls and into my office today, but it IS the first time I realized there really is a little sock just outside the door!  I told you I wasn't domestic!

2.  It turns out that it makes me smile when I'm forced to use a Disney princess toddler spoon to eat my cereal in the mornings because there's not another clean spoon in the house.

Princesses are cool!  They aren't as cool as the Queen but that's not the point.  There was just something about having Apple Jacks with that cute little spoon that amused me.  It was less amusing when I tried to spoon up all the left over milk and discovered that the "spoon" was essentially flat and wouldn't hold a liquid, but I managed.  You're never too old to tip the bowl up and drink from it!

3.  Ninja Monkeys will NOT come in and clean your home during the night no matter how much you telepathically message their leader that it is needed.  Yes, I tried this... more than once.  Turns out I'll do a LOT to keep from having to clean my house.

Quick!  Somebody get that monkey a broom!

4.  It's kind of like getting a present when you finally DO clean the house and find things you didn't even know you'd lost.  They're just the greatest little surprises!  That's how I felt when I found my flamingo pattered robe in my daughters' room this morning.  I'm not sure how it got there or why, but I see it as the Domestic Fairies' way of saying "Look what you have? Isn't it cute?  You hadn't thought about it in a while had you?  You have such great taste!  We thought we'd remind you."  Those Domestic Fairies are just the sweetest!  Don't you think? And besides, it really is a cute robe.  Nothing says sexy like flamingos on your robe!!!  MPH (My Poor Husband) loves it.  Don't let him fool you into thinking otherwise.  He's such a kidder.

So these are a few of the things I've learned as a result of just really NOT being domestic.  There were others as well, but if I give away ALL my secrets I'll have nothing left to tease everyone with!  Yes, these are the things that occur to me.  Go figure.  I think it's because I have all that free time since I'm obviously not cleaning.  Yes, that could be it.

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