Friday, May 25, 2012

More Random Stuff... You Have Been Warned

The Queen is a big fan of nature... a REALLY big fan.  I'd like to think that I'm environmentally friendly, but I can assure you that it only takes one poorly planned trip to Walmart to discover that you're environmentally toxic instead!  I am now going on a rant about plastic bags.  If you don't want to hear it, please stare at the following internet download instead.  It is amusing.  You can pick back up again after the paragraph that is helpfully labelled "RANT" and I'm sure you will not notice that you missed anything.  You're welcome.

*RANT*  See?  You thought I was kidding... but I wasn't!  Okay, here's the deal.  I bought all these reusable bags for when I go to the grocery store because I'm trying to single handedly save planet earth from those plastic bags that I always either throw away or self-compact into a single cabinet in my kitchen for use when all civilization falls apart and the only usable currency becomes those plastic bags.  Anyway, I put some in all the cars except, inevitably, for the one that I end up driving to the grocery store or Walmart.  This is what happened today.  So there I stand in line feeling bad because I know I left my reusable bags and I'm going to have to go with the plastic bags because they don't have paper, but if you thought that's as guilty as I could feel, you are sorely mistaken.  You see it turns out that I got the cashier who has some kind of OCD obsession with DOUBLE BAGGING EVERYTHING!  I realized she was doing it with the big items like milk and sodas, and I just kind of let it go even though she was doing it wrong which I'll get to in a minute.  And because I sense you asking it, yes, there's a wrong way!  Anyway, I finally realized that she was apparently double bagging everything!  I'm not really clear why a bag of green beans needed double bagging, but she seemed to think they did.  Those suckers are heavy and sometimes make a break for it in the car, apparently.  Last thing you need is a whole troop of green beans marching in formation around your car while you try to drive home.  It's dangerous as the bejeezes, people!  Hence her diligence at making sure they were properly contained in not one but TWO plastic bags!  (I'm trying here, people, and that's really about all I can come up with.) Finally I couldn't take it anymore and begged her to stop. I swore to her that one bag would be enough, and I'd be okay.  I promised her I'd handle any consequences and breakage on my own, and that seemed to help.  She quit doing it, but she did keep looking at me suspiciously, like maybe I was going to dump all my produce on the ground then blame her and the lack of a double bag.

*RANT CONTINUES (Yes, it's more than one paragraph.  We'll all deal with it)*  Now here's the kicker.  She was double bagging everything in the following manner.  She'd put everything into the first bag, pick that bag up and put it into a second bag, and then she'd tie the handles of the first bag to hold everything in.  After that, she'd pick up the second bag by the handles and hand it to me.  I would like to point out that that process reduces the whole thing to a single bag using a single set of handles.  The inner bag just holds content but doesn't increase strength because the handles aren't being used.  I realize I'm geeking out here but do you see my point?  I've just killed the entire environment just by finding this one cashier who double bags without realizing the physics behind the purpose of double bagging and by not having my reusable bags!  I'm currently looking for an environmental activist to take my confession and give me penance.  You all let me know if you know one.  *END RANT... whew!*

Okay, so back to my non-rants about random and sundry things that I've run into during the day.  Oh let's go with this one.  I think that nearly every woman in the world has some sort of issue with her body.  No one thinks they're perfect even if everyone else in the world thinks they are.  Personally, the Queen is curvy.  And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm healthy but will never be stick skinny.  Sometimes that bothers me more than others.  I ran into this today though and realized that it sums up my thoughts on body image in general.  I think we'd all be happier if we just learned to be happy exactly how we are.  That and I think I should have some more dessert.  So here it is.

I'm weak, and a cupcake will win over any dietary plans every time!

This next one is in honor of my children... and their friend who taught them how to dress up my cat, Sabrina.  Sabrina TRULY does not appreciate this.  She's three years old and only recently was she forced to suffer this indignity (because I was unaware it was happening, naturally... for which she has yet to forgive me).  But on behalf of Sabrina, I think this really does sum the whole "dress up your cat" scene nicely.

This is for you Sabrina-Boo!  I feel your pain. And I got you some cat nip to make up for it.  It's the good stuff!  (Because I'm not above bribing my way back into her good graces.)

And last but not least, I wanted to bring you this last one. Why?  Because that would TOTALLY be me on that phone!!!!  You have an insane idea?  It'd be fun?  It'd be funny?  I'M IN!!! Whoooohooo!  

Now go and enjoy your holiday weekend!  Thank a service member if you get the chance.  I'll even be extra nice to MPH this weekend.  He does his part too.  Have fun!!!

1 comment:

  1. Poor Sabrina! I know that Gypsy, my feline cohabitor, is constantly frustrated with the shit I pull. I'm pretty sure that once she works out how to grow opposable thumbs, she'll be out of here.


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