Tuesday, May 1, 2012

It's All About The Conspiracy

Psst.  Come here.  I have something important to tell you.  You need to come closer.... a little closer... There.  That's good.  Okay here we go.  President Obama had conservative blogger Andrew Breitbart killed and then killed an LA forensic technician who didn't even work on the autopsy to cover it up.  There were also multiple shooters in Robert Kennedy's assassination according to a witness who has apparently been misquoted by the FBI for all these years.  And these are just the things that I've read in the mainstream media this week.  I haven't even TOLD you about what the bat boy and the aliens who pick the US president each election cycle have been up to.  And based on this, I've come up with a theory all of my own.  Are you ready?  It's all about the conspiracies!

But just so you feel better, here's a bat boy.

Here's another one, and frankly this one is less scary so I like it better.

And it's vintage so that's always popular.  But back to what I was talking about...

Yes, if it's going to be exciting, it has to include a conspiracy theory.  Conspiracy theories sell, people!  If it's really important then someone is coming up with a conspiracy to explain how it's both important AND subversive all at the same time.  And this brings me to my point.  I need a conspiracy theory of my very own.  Honestly, you probably do too.  Why don't we make one together!  It will be a bonding experience.  I just know we'll all be much closer after this.  So here we go!  In fact, let's try a few of them.

1.  The Queen is really written by President Obama/Bat Boy/Andrew Breitbart/Robert Kennedy (you pick) in order to unduly influence the entire population of cupcake loving blog readers in order to take over the world!!!!  No wait!  The Queen is really The Brain from Pinky and The Brain and is using the blog to take over the world.  That's even better!  And much more believable!

2.  The world market on tiaras has been taken over by aliens intent on influencing the upcoming US presidential election.  To that end they have installed tiny transmitters into each tiara and will broadcast an order to vote for their candidate just as soon as they figure out which candidate they care enough about to have everyone wearing a tiara (mostly just me, unfortunately for them) vote for.

And finally,
3.  The global association of nutritionalists have been perpetuating a fraud over the entire globe by lying to everyone and telling them that cupcakes are fattening.  Cupcakes are, in fact, outrageously nutritious, fat free, and suck up unneeded fat cells from the bodies of those who eat them... and suddenly I've found a conspiracy theory that I can get behind.  I think I'll have a cupcake or ten and ponder this one.

Okay, dear readers and loyal subjects, that's all I've got for right now.  I really should spend some time coming up with more.  Or even better, I can sucker you all into doing it for me!  So... whatcha got?!  Bring on the conspiracies. Let's be exciting and subversive together!!

PS On a side note, you know your friends read your blog and love you when you get an email out of the blue that just says:

Ich Liebe Dich!!!!

and if that makes no sense to you, you should probably click here and get a good giggle like I did.

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