Saturday, May 19, 2012

But It's An Auction! I MUST BID!!!

MPH and I are attending a community service club's state-wide convention this weekend.  Conventions are always fun but this one includes a bonus.  There's an AUCTION!  And the Queen just looooooooves an auction.  These particular auctions are for a good cause.  They're exciting.  They're fast paced, and they're totally irresistible to someone as ADHD as I am!!!!  BID BID BID, DAMMIT!

I was an adult the first time I ever attended any kind of live auction.  Now that I think about it, they've all been live charity auctions.  And let me go ahead and say that there are three basic things that make for a successful auction.  1.  Good items up for grabs.  2.  Plenty of Alcohol!!  3.  Some insanely ADHD woman in the crowd who can't stop herself from bidding no matter what you put in front of her.  And now that I think about it, you really only need the last two, but if the alcohol isn't available.... yeah, the insane woman will do.  I know this to be a fact because today's auction was at breakfast and there were no Bloody Mary's to be found.  And you can trust me because I looked!

My first auction was when MPH and I were just dating.  I remember it... mostly.  That time there was definitely alcohol available!  I remember there was a beautiful blue topaz ring that I had my eye on it.  I was subtle about it at first.  Then there was the alcohol... By the time it came up for auction, I squealed from the back of the room and started waving my number like a wild woman.  The auctioneer was a local radio celebrity.  He took one look at me, stated clearly into the microphone "I think I know who's winning this one," and absolutely no one bothered to bid against me.  I guess they figured I'd just run up the price and refuse to back down.  This was likely true.  Or perhaps they figured I couldn't be trusted not to try to follow them home if they did win and I didn't.  Also... probably true.  I still like that ring!

Today I was a lot calmer... well there was no squealing.  What I didn't count on was the sheer volume of material available for auction.  This thing went on for hours!  I was fortunate in that I have no love of Nascar memorabilia so those items weren't tempting.  It was everything else.  There were baskets of food, homemade cakes, baskets filled with cooking supplies (Don't laugh.  It's like cookbooks.  I love them even if I don't know how to use them.), ceramic vases, handmade toy trains... it was just overwhelming. Finally I was yelling out bids and I didn't even know what was up for grabs!  At one point I yelled up "What's in it?!" as a gift basket was presented. I never got an answer but eventually acknowledged to myself that it really didn't matter and bid $30.  I got lucky and it went for higher.

In the end I got a ceramic vase and serving tray.  MPH won some things from a golf tournament that ended up amusing me more.  Turns out that you shouldn't give me a lion's head golf club cover mounted on a golf umbrella.

I went running through the hotel, waving it like a flag, roaring at everyone and making a general nuisance out of myself.  I think I scared a few women who weren't with our group.  Let's face it.  Everyone in our group had been forewarned about me.  My reputation precedes me!  That should probably frighten or embarrass me.  Instead it makes me giggle.  Life is good.  If I'm lucky they'll let me bid on something else during dinner tonight!

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