Saturday, March 3, 2012

Holy Wipeout, People!

I have just found the most spectacular train wreck I have ever seen!!! People... loyal subjects, I can not stress this enough.  I have laughed so hard that I've had tears streaming down my face.  Apparently American television has taken over where those outrageously weird Japanese obstacle course shows have left off and they're running with the genre.  Now, at this point I should tell you that I had planned to write about the fact that I want to be a professional mermaid... and don't get me wrong!  I DO!!!!  And yet, before I could get to the computer to write MPH (My Poor Husband) called me with the statement "You have GOT to see this!"  Okay, normally I roll my eyes and wander on over because his idea of a "got to see" event and mine are two different things.  But this time... I just can't question the man's genius.

So to set this up, haven't you all seen one of these Japanese reality shows featured on something where people are doing outlandish obstacle courses and falling off into whipped cream or something? I know I've seen them before.  I've stared for a moment then just thought "Wow... there's some weird shit going on over there in Japan."  I mean, don't even get me started on some of the commercials and strange products that Hello Kitty should just NEVER be featured on!  So when it became obvious that ABC was showing something called Winter Wipeout, a fact that I had to wipe the tears from my eyes in order to determine because I couldn't read it at first, I quickly rolled with the punches.  Who knew the Japanese had such an advanced concept of funny?!  Apparently they're also time travelers who have figured out what I was going to find hilarious in 2012 and simply jumped the gun and developed it several years earlier.  Honestly, folks, that's all I can come up with.  What other logical rationale could there be?!  Have you SEEN those shows?!

Aright, so flash back to me wandering into the bedroom where MPH is staring awe struck at the television.  It takes seconds for me to wonder why these people are running along padded walkways while someone off camera flings snowballs at them as they're trying to grab a rope to swing across a suds covered water hole of some sort.  So there's my brain trying to process this scenario when suddenly part of the platform lifts up, turns out to be shaped like an enormous boot that hits the person in the back and catapults them up then down and straight into the water all as they scream like little girls and flail wildly, still trying to grab that darned rope!  HOLY COW!  This was an obstacle course that fights back!!! You should have seen it they managed to clamber over this pole with a stuffed polar bear attached to it which tried to fling them off only to have them stand up on the opposite side once mastering it to be smacked in the back and flung off again by a part of the wall that flung out behind them and hit them in the back again!  And don't even get me STARTED on the part where they fell into a pit of chili!  Honestly... don't. It never made sense but it was still side splitting funny!  Not only was it funny to watch, it was even funnier to listen to.  They were apparently wearing microphones and the fact that one stood up calmly and muttered to himself "I don't like chili," sent me right over the edge.

You know, now that I'm reading this, I'm thinking that this might just be one of those "you had to be there" moments, but I can't stress this enough... TiVo, people!!!!  Don't' take my word for it!  Watch this thing!  I have no idea when the Japanese became intentionally funny but I know that's where the idea for this came from.  And I have bought in hook, line and sinker!!!  I have transformed from a standoffish "Why would anyone do this?" into "Oh my GAWD that had to hurt" all while laughing uproariously and wiping tears from my cheeks.  I will say, though, that that first course was my favorite.  There were like 4 overall, but they just became more challenging physically as they went along.  The fun stuff was right there at the start!

So in conclusion I'd just like to say... I realize it sounds like I've gone completely insane but seriously, peeps, this stuff was funny.  I mean, how can you argue insanely funny with a winter themed obstacle course that will boot you in the ass just for ratings fun?!  You can't.  Just saying'.

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