Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Issue With Cupcakes

Yes, dear readers and loyal subjects, this is the issue with cupcakes!  We may all rejoice and be merry!  Wait... what?  No! No no no!  There is no issue with cupcakes! This is the ISSUE with cupcakes.  Got it?  No?  Goodness.  Do try to follow me here.  This is the issue of our blog (And yes, I am using the royal pleural there.)... with cupcakes!  There is no issue/problem with cupcakes.  Heavens.  What were you people thinking?

You see, my love of cupcakes is so well known that many of you have graciously supplied your Queen with further information about our much loved baked goods.  These I have no compiled in order that I may expound upon their deliciousness... their convenience...their delightful nature...well, at least upon the weird things that you people have found related to them.  And frankly, the weirder the better, I always say!  I keep trying to convince MPH (My Poor Husband) of the value in that statement too. Unfortunately, he usually wanders off muttering under his breath about the time I feel compelled to bring it up.  I'm not sure what that's really all about.  But anyway, we have more important things to discuss.  Namely...

Cupcake ATM's!  Yes, the future of cupcakes is now!  They have arrived!  Cupcake ATM's... can you believe it?!  Now I see what all this Mayan 2012 business was about.  Apparently they knew!!!!  Yes, indeed!  Sprinkles, a gourmet cupcake chain with apparently about 10 locations nationally, has decided to install cupcake ATM's at their locations.  These babies will be placed outside the shop and will be available for your 24 hour cupcake dispensing pleasure!  No more will you awake at 3 am with a raging case of insomnia and think "If I could just drive to my nearest gourmet cupcake shop and get myself a devils food cupcake, I just know I could bounce off the walls for 3 more hours just from the sugar rush and then crash in the sleep of the dead as soon as my buzz wears off," without being able to act on it.  We're talking 10 locations nationally, folks!  The farthest you'd have to go would be... let's see, ten divided by fifty... no that's not it... fifty divided by ten is... FIVE! That's it!  Now you would only have to drive the distance of no more than five states and you could have said cupcake!  At least... that's if they distribute their chain equally, of course.  It's genius!  Of course, if all ten locations are in California and you're in North Carolina... well you're just screwed, people.  Unless... I'VE GOT IT!  Maybe they'll franchise one of these little beauties out to me for my house!!!  You're all welcome to come over and use my cupcake ATM.  MPH will be thrilled to pieces to see you! Thrilled, I say!  And from what I can tell, it will fit in beautifully with any decor.  At least as long as your decor looks like something out of a pastel Willie Wonka factory, because here it is.

Alas, that is not me standing at the cupcake ATM. I only wish it were because frankly, it looks delicious!  I wonder if it's one of those scratch and lick items.  I'm betting it's bubble gum flavored!  Oh the joy, the tastiness, the very cupcakeyness of this product is beyond measure.  And look!  I just created a word!  You may all go out now and use cupcakeyness in your daily conversation.  No need to thank me.  I am there for you, my subjects.  You're welcome.

So that's our first product.  The second is one that I found all by myself. Can you believe it?!  Yes, I was out shopping and minding my own business when our next cupcake product leapt in my path and screamed "I am delightful!  I am cupcake goodness! BUUUUUUUUY ME!"  That sort of thing happens to me a lot, incidentally.  So without further ado, I give you the cupcake notebook!  

This is apparently the cupcake's response to those ubiquitous "Keep Calm and Carry On" posters.  And I must say that I'm much more partial to the cupcake's suggestion!  I'll carry on AFTER I've had my cupcake, thank you!  The scary thing here is that I didn't buy this.  I'm not sure what got into me.  I'm having non-buyer's remorse now, and I may have to make a special trip back to Barnes and Nobles where I found it to remedy the situation.  Self control sucks!

Ah well. Thus ends our issue with cupcakes for this week. I do hope you've all enjoyed it.  I must run now because I've come up with the ultimate new thing and I must go patent my idea.  It's the Tiara ATM, and I'm just certain it will sweep the nation!  I mean really... we all know that you never can be sure just when you'll need your tiara.  Now to figure out how to get things things down a chute!

Oh and before I forget.  I'm leaving you with one more gift for the night.  This one is courtesy of my friend Melanie of the wet pirates fame.  This is much more my style.  Enjoy the chaos!

1 comment:

  1. You are truly inspired. Tiara ATM. I am in awe.


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