Sunday, March 11, 2012

It's Like Pulling Teeth!

My five year old, the one we call Kitten, the one that's exactly like me especially where stubborn is concerned, has just lost her first tooth.  It fell out.  And when I say "fell out," I'm not meaning that it just took a little tug to get it out or that she bit into corn on the cob and it came out when she did it.  I mean that it literally FELL OUT!  She opened her mouth, leaned over and her tooth fell into her hand.  And I am so thankful that it did that I can hardly express it!  This tooth has been driving me completely bonkers!  I think it's had a personal vendetta out against your Queen.  It's been taunting me...wobbling there in her mouth and laughing at me... I could hear it!  IT WAS AWFUL!!!

Okay, maybe I should back up here and explain a bit.  First of all, this child is stubborn... I think I might have mentioned that.  Admittedly, she got that quality from me so I shouldn't say too much about it... but I do anyway.  It's the Queen's prerogative, you know.  Anyway, she's stubborn and seriously high maintenance.  But at the same time, she's incredibly brave when she wants to be.  Two weeks ago she put on a harness, got tethered to the ceiling at Wonder Works and proceeded to run an obstacle course 15 feet off the floor that included tight rope bridges and balance beams.  She was unstoppable!  Her older sister started the course then gave up and demanded I take her back down to the ground because she was terrified, but not this kid.  We had to make her come down when her time was over, and she still took the long way around on her way back down!  This is the child I'm talking about when I now tell you that this loose tooth got the best of her and me both!

She was really excited when the tooth was first discovered to be loose.  I don't think it was the idea of having her first tooth come out so much as it was the idea of getting cash from the Tooth Fairy.  You see we've recently opened bank accounts for each of our daughters in an attempt to get them to understand economics earlier rather than later.  They each have these little debit cards with their pictures on them and they're having a great time having their own money and cards to use to spend it.  The youngest is, again, the most like me.  She derives great joy from spending her money on things she likes.  Thrifty is not in her vocabulary.  So you can see where she would focus immediately on the whole cash for teeth aspect of the situation.  So we watched it... and wiggled the tooth from time to time... and two weeks ago I figured that the tooth was ready to come out.  This was when I made the mistake.  I mentioned.... pulling it out!

To say that this child reacted badly to the concept of yanking a perfectly good and apparently still attached tooth out of her head badly is a wee bit of an understatement.  Running and screaming like a banshee and having a total melt down whenever anyone was stupid enough to raise their hand as if to touch her mouth at all.... yeah that's really a much better description.  Occasionally she would deign to allow me to extend a single finger in order to wiggle the tooth to see how loose it was, and MAN was it loose!  Eventually it was obvious that the tooth was no longer attached in the back.  Then it was obvious that the front left corner was unattached too.  In fact, this child had a tooth that was barely hanging by a thread.  It was actually lopsided in her mouth!  The new tooth was visible behind it!  She couldn't even eat except by shoving food back to her molars in order to pull some off and chew it!  This tooth was almost falling out on its own. But still she refused to allow anyone to even try to pull it.

This is when I got the idea of the century.  You see, it was driving me completely insane to not be able to pull out this wobbling and nearly unattached tooth.  I was certain she would swallow it.  She could choke on it.  I was twitching because I wanted to pull it out so badly!  I just couldn't leave well enough alone!  So I came up with the plan.  I would wait until she was asleep and THEN I would gently open her mouth, reach in and pull out the tooth.  It was genius!  She wouldn't even know!  She could be mad when she woke up but by then it would be too late! I would have that pesky tooth out already and could wave the idea of cash at her and she'd be appeased.  And so I set out to implement this stroke of sheer brilliance.  And it went incredibly well, thank you... right up to the point that I tried to stick my hand in her mouth.  You see, Kitten sleeps very soundly.  I figured that was a good thing, to be honest, but it turns out that she sleeps soundly with her mouth in the SHUT position.  And she's not good about opening it just because I whisper to her that she should in that whole subconscious tone of voice which I've always thought was sheer genius and always worked... at least it works in the movies.  Don't ask me which movies because I can't name one or anything but come on!  Who thinks this isn't a great idea?!  I ask you?! Who?!!!  (Special note to MPH... shut up.)

So one night I decided I'd had enough.  I slipped into her room to smooch on her and tell her I loved her while she was asleep, like I do every night in a very Mom loves you and non-stalker sort of way, only this time I decided it was time to pull that tooth.  I started with the whispering part.  I told her to open up. I told her I loved her.  I told her it was alright.  I told her anything I could come up with to get that jaw open and nothing worked!  So, I did what any self respecting mother would do... I tried to pry it open.  I mean, how hard could it be?!  Apparently, very hard is the answer here.  She didn't wake up but she didn't open up either.  I pried her lips apart. I tried to get my finger in between her teeth.  I finally managed to wedge her jaw open a tiny bit and proceeded to wiggle my finger in in an effort to actually grab the offending tooth.  And that, dear readers and loyal subjects, was when it happened.  My beautiful, sweet, delightful (albeit stubborn) child... bit me.  She opened her mouth for a split second and then she chomped right down on my finger.  That's when I screamed.  IT HURT!  She was shockingly strong for someone who was asleep!  And would you believe it?  In my shock, I jerked my finger back out of her mouth and didn't even manage to snag that darned tooth!  So there I sat, nursing a bite to my index finger, pouting, and staring at the sleeping angel with a tooth pretty much dangling out of her mouth.  This was not my night.  I didn't, however, try that trick again!  Even a Queen can learn a lesson every now and then.

On the plus side, I was able to get her to really wiggle the tooth herself despite the panic attacks that struck whenever pulling it was mentioned.  One night she finally tells me that she can wiggle it all the way down to her lip.  I mean that she could push it all the way forward until it was perpendicular to her gum!  I told you this thing was loose!!!!  I encouraged that!  Oh yes, I did!  Suddenly she yelled at me, "I can't get it to go back again!"  It took me a moment to figure out what that meant.  In that moment I asked her as intelligently as possible "Do what?!"  And that's when she leaned forward, put her hand in front of her mouth and her tooth fell out into her hand.  She was elated!  I was elated!  That thing was FINALLY out!  So here's to my little girl who is afraid of nothing but a loose tooth!  And here is a picture of her gap toothed smile.  She's a cutie!  To be honest though, I'm already dreading the next loose tooth because I seriously doubt it will go any better than this one.  Oh well, somebody pass the corn on the cob.

(By the way, for those of you who were lamenting the lack of a new post on Saturday night, my apologies.  The Queen was traveling that evening for a well deserved vacation and couldn't get anything in for your viewing pleasure.  Hopefully, this week will provide you with enough to make up for it.)

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