Thursday, March 22, 2012

Misadventures in Google Ads

Alright, I admit it.  My overactive sense of curiosity has gotten the better of me.  And now you, dear readers and loyal subjects, are exposed to the results.  Sorry!!!!!  Actually, it's not that bad.  You see this all happened because of a conversation I had with Denise, my friend from work... who really is to blame here now that I think about it, right about the time I started the blog.  We were talking about my plans for the blog itself and the fact that there really wasn't going to be a "theme" so to speak.  The Queen doesn't do themes... unless it's AWESOMENESS or perhaps FABULOUSNESS, but I'm not certain that's really cohesive enough for a theme.  Is random a theme?!  Oh yeah, back to the conversation.  So Denise asks me if I'm going to have ads on the blog, and my response was, naturally, "Who the hell would want to advertise on my blog?!"  Face it, peeps.  I wasn't even sure what I was doing.  I'm lucky to be able to work the computer well enough to even figure out how to post on my own blog!  And it's not like I'm writing anything that is likely "highly marketable," except to other fabulous and awesome people, of course.  I pretty much just write about whatever weird thing has struck me as funny at any given point in time.  I'm pretty sure you've noticed that by now. So basically the only product I was able to come up with that might want to advertise here was Ritalin!  Regardless, Denise had an answer.  Her answer was "porn" because apparently it's everywhere else (even the non-turtle and pterodactyl kind ) so why wouldn't it want to be advertised on my blog?

Now, I admit this too.  I have an insanely overwhelming sense of curiosity.  And over the past month, the question of who would want to advertise on my blog has come back to haunt me again and again.  And it just so happens that it turns out there's an answer!  Google Ads wants to help me find that answer!  It appears that Google Ads coordinates advertising on specific blogs.  They come in and do some kind of magical evaluation of your blog and then hook you up with sponsors who place ads in the space you allow.  And I use "sponsors" in a very loosely defined way.  Regardless, my curiosity did get the better of me finally, and so I signed up just to satisfy it and find out who they would match up with the awesome randomness that is my blog.

Now, here's what I've found out.  First, the ads change with each time you load the page so you don't always see the same ads.  I will say that most of them did seem to focus either on something that is totally ubiquitous (some ad to make your computer run faster) or on something I mentioned in my blog (puppy adoption ads associated with any post I mentioned a dog in, which is a lot lately).  But there was one ad that I found this morning when I logged in that truly made me laugh until I cried.  And it's not just that the topic seemed odd to me, but it was because it seemed odd in general and even odder that something about it had made someone choose to place it after a post on tiny penises in my house plant!  Frankly the only ads I can come up with that are really appropriate there would be for either plant services or maybe Viagra (Tammie's vote) or even Denise's choice...Walden University: A higher degree, A higher purpose.  Surprisingly though, in the war of the random... Google Ads has won the first battle.  Curse you, Google Ads!!!!

"Do You Rap?  Wanna Perform?"  That was the title of the ad.  I just stared at it and thought "Really?!"  I mean let's think about this.  Exactly WHAT in a post about tiny penises in my house plant makes someone think "Oh!  You know what this post needs?  An ad for rappers!"  Really, people?!!!  And do you want to know what I found even funnier?  The ad was grammatically incorrect!  Maybe it was intentional?  I'm not certain, but the next line shouldn't have been "Perform Live opening for a Industry Artist in your city, Submit Today" because it should have been AN Industry Artist.  Elementary school grammar, peeps!  Use it!  And yes, I'm the grammar Queen too.  But that said, I never had any idea I would find ads quite so amusing as I do today.  The potential jokes just keep on coming, but for now I'll let you all come up with some of your own.  Feel free to post in a comment!

(By the way, I fully expect Google Ads to cancel my service within the next 24 hours.  I'm betting they don't think the ads are nearly as funny as I do.  It'll have been worth it though!)

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