Okay, okay, so it hasn't been exactly weekly. So sue me! But let's face it, people! The Bi-weekly random wrap-up really just doesn't roll off the tongue like the alternative. Even worse is the Whenever I feel like it random wrap-up. Sometimes it's important to just suspend belief for the purposes of the movie... or book... or, as in this case, the Queen and her blog. It'll be okay. I'll make it up to you by sending out cupcakes or something. You're welcome. Anyway, it's that time again, dear readers and loyal subjects! Grab your Jack and coke, your tiara, and your favorite sweet and curl on up as we wander through the list of random things that amused me this week but that just didn't fit into any of the other blogs... which didn't include any blogs about penises this week. I promise I'll do better next week. Everyone has an off week sometimes. So buckle-up, Buttercup! Here we go.
1. The Muppet Movie came out this week and it reminded me of a universal truth that I knew when I was younger but might have forgotten recently. Muppets are never NOT cool! You know who's the coolest of all? That's right. Miss Piggy! And is it scary or not that my 6 year old watched the movie, looked at me and said "She's your hero, right?" I wasn't sure if I should admit to it or not, but darned if she's not! Out of the mouths of babes and all that rot.
2. When your work week goes straight to hell, there are several things that help. Hiding under your desk and praying for it to all go away isn't as effective as you'd imagine. Drinking Jack straight from the bottle... THAT is more effective! Even more so is making long running jokes about just how good you look in a tiara with your colleagues that then get brought up at the end of perfectly normal business meet ins with your boss. (Everyone say Hi, Cherie!) And it's a good thing that Cherie appreciates my charmingly perverse sense of humor because it does tend to really come out at times like these.
3. You know your being a pain in the ass when another colleague begins to answer her phone "Macy's Perfume Department!" But if you check the number on your caller ID, reassure yourself that it's really her and try to order a pizza, she will very sweetly promise to have it delivered as soon as possible. And that, peeps, is why I work with these people! (Everyone say Hi, Tasha!)
4. Your Einstein bobble head will NOT give you the answer to complicated math problems even if you ask it to bobble the correct number of times for the answer. Turns out you actually have to pull out a calculator or... if you're REALLY smart.. you need to suddenly remember that you iPhone which does everything else for you except make your espresso also has a calculator on it. Turns out this is harder to remember than you'd think! The blonde is natural, people. Please speak slowly.
5. Every now and then someone will send you a truly helpful message related to stress management. This should actually be taken to heart. They are lessons from which you should learn. (Did you see the way I managed not to dangle my participle there? This is a family blog. I watch out for things like that. You're welcome.) Anyway, I feel that I should share these words of wisdom with all of you. So here it is.
Monday Lesson On Stress Management:
Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are singing in the crisp, cool mountain air.
Nothing can bother you here.
No one knows this secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that place called the world.
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is so clear you can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water.
There now, feeling better?
I know I am!
(I'd give credit to the source here but I don't know what it was. A big thank you to Sylvan though! Everyone say Hi, Sylvan!)
And on that note, my Jack and coke and I are going in search of something sweet to eat. Everyone polish your tiaras and enjoy your Easter weekend. Nothing says Easter like a sparkly tiara! May the bunny be good to you! TA!