Thursday, April 19, 2012

Why I Need A Forklift...And You Do Too

Let me just start out by saying that you all have been AMAZING as far as contributing to the super-hero universe!  This thing has taken on a life of its own.  Who'd have thought that some caffeine and sugar inspired buzzy idea would be appreciated as much as it was.  (It makes me feel a little bit better about sitting in the corner of Barnes and Noble with my computer, giggling like a mad woman and typing while people stared at me strangely and wondered if they should move their small children farther away from me, which is what I did while writing it.)  So never fear!  Super Queen has not gone away.  She's just hiding here in her alter ego form, The Queen Of All Things Good aka Cool As Hell Girl, where she's busy blending in with the locals and destroying boring with a single bound.  I'm still working on lots of ideas, adding heroes and villains, and generally having a good time.  We now have Coffee Girl and my personal Butlette (that's a butler but a girl who has a fondness for those smoking hot women's tuxedos and who likes to hold parties for all the heroes and villains in Cupcake City and generally helping out the Queen at her manse... which sounds hoitier toitier than mansion so it's totally where I'd live!).  Oh and we also have our home city name!  Welcome heroes and villains to Cupcake City!  I just knew you'd all approve.  Now who has my cape.  I still need my cape!

Anyway, with all of that going on in the back of my mind, and rampantly on Facebook and in my email (leave more in comments, people!  Your ideas are fabu!  I want everyone else to see them!), and with me trying to figure out how to stalk a band that lives on another continent (Axis of Awesome, I'm talking to you!  Call me!  We'll do lunch!...and a theme song.) I still have new randomness to share!  Dear readers and loyal subjects, I give you... FORKLIFTS!!

Look! This one is cute and blue! Don't you just want to take it home with you?  Yeah, I know. I didn't know I needed one either, but here's the thing. Someone apparently thinks I do.  You see, I've had some unusual email spam before.  I've had email advertising bail bondsmen (that makes sense if you know me) and AARP services (This one was insulting until I realized that printing off their card gave me discounts!  I'm never too proud to take a discount!).  I've even had email from HR Clinton notifying me of the fact that the Department of State somehow has $1.3 million of my money and if I'll only send them my banking info they'll send that right on over to me.  But today I got an email that even I couldn't explain.  It was about.... toucans!  No wait, that's not right.  It was about forklifts!  Yes, those.  I had email giving me the absolute BEST prices on forklifts!  Yes, that's right, forklifts.  Like that little blue beauty up there.  And why, you might ask (and I did too for that matter)?  Well I'll tell you...  Hell if I know!!!  How, just HOW did I end up on an email list for forklifts?! The Queen is a girly sort of girl.  Are these forklifts bedazzled?!  Are they blinged up?  Can I even find any blinged up forklifts?  Let's see?
Here are some red ones.  These are obviously the convertible sports cars of the forklift world...

And here's a very chipper little yellow one.  But do you see any bling on these?  NO!!!  So I ask you, where are the sparkles?!  Where are the jewels?!  Who was in charge of these things?  Who was on the design committee?!!!  And yes, I did shout these questions at my computer, but I'm afraid that it failed to answer.  So I was left with the pressing question, why do I need a forklift?

Fortunately for you, dear readers and loyal subjects, there is an answer. At least I'm willing to make up some crazy shit and call it an answer.  You're welcome. I'm a giver, really.  Okay, let's see.... I could use my new forklift to:

1) lift the two ton, 6 foot cement chicken that MPH (My Poor Husband) found instead of the 6 foot metal one that I wanted and put it somewhere in the back yard then use it to scare my neighbors.  Because honestly, we all really want a big ass chicken for that.

2) pick up my kids and give them joy rides around the neighborhood and see how long it takes people to call the cops.  It wouldn't be the first time so don't get me started! But you can Click here to read about the last time.

3)  lift entire pallets of cupcakes and store them in preparation for the zombie apocalypse!  Holy cannoli, people, suddenly this fork lift isn't such a bad idea!  Imagine the number of cupcakes I could transfer!  I could probably even bring some to your house.... or I could keep them all for myself.  Yeah, that's how it would really go.

And it turns out that this is why YOU need a fork lift too.  Yes indeed! Because the Queen does NOT share.  Who knew?!  Well okay I did... and everyone who knows me did... and people who think they might sorta know me did, but that's all... really.  So anyway, congratulations.  You will now be prepared when the forklift fairy emails you, and you will appreciate the forklift fairy and leave her snacks of cupcakes and wooden pallets in appreciation for the opportunity to purchase your own forklift.  Now if you'll excuse me, I have some pallets of cupcakes to devour.  Later, people!

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