Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Really...I Get It. I Shouldn't Try Again!

Today, dear readers and loyal subjects, we have visual aids for our little chat!  Never let it be said that I come unprepared.  Is everyone ready?  Yes?  Good because here we go!

This.... is a fire truck.

This... is a better fire truck because it's PINK!
Neither of these fire trucks came to my house today.  But maybe they should have.

I do admit it.  I've been wanting to remodel my kitchen.  I have plans for painting the cabinets, replacing the counter tops, and maybe even replacing the backsplash.  So today I decided to burn it down and get on with it.  Okay, I didn't actually decide that, but it IS how the day might have ended up had I not smelled something funny just in time.  Now I'd just go ahead and tell you what happened but it seems that the people I love have decided to go ahead and tell everyone else that I know for me on Facebook!  Curse you Facebook and the people I love!!!!  So here's how that went down.  Oh!  But before I tell you that, let me tell you the people involved.  Juli is my nanny... well my children's nanny... okay sometimes she's probably my nanny too. She's like Mary Poppins only cuter.  (Curse her cuteness too!)  And my mother... well we'll just go ahead and call her The Wicked Witch.  That's what I call her anyway.  In fact, I used to call her office, ask for the witch, and then wait patiently while they went to find her.  See, people?!  It's not just me.  Anyway, she's the Witch in this conversation.  Okay,  now we're ready!!!  This is what they posted on my wall.

Juli:  Hey, what's that smell?!
Queen:  Hey!  The fire department didn't have to come.  No foul!!!
The Wicked Witch:  What did she burn this time?
Queen: Burn is a strong word.  I prefer blackened. And they were beans. The smoke cleared... eventually.
The Wicked Witch:  I think burned is the correct word.
Queen:  Charred. It's all the rage.
The Wicked Witch:  And I also heard about the burnnnneeeeeddddd country style steak too.  You know you have to watch stuff you put on the stove.
Queen:  I have to quit trying to cook is what I have to do.  So far it's stove: 2, Me: 1.  I should quit while I'm only this far behind.
Juli:  Don't quit! You're improving!

And really, how sad is that. Filling my house with noxious smoke and having to evacuate so we didn't all die of inhalation while I tried to open every window in the place is "improving."  On the plus side, I did realize that my smoke detector didn't go off so I do know that we  have to replace the batteries.  The way I see it, that was the whole point of the exercise.  Really, I'm saving lives here!  My family should all thank me!  And they should let me redecorate the kitchen as a thank you gift.  I have paint all picked you.  You're all welcome!

ADDENDUM:  It turns out that there's someone out there who likes my cooking.  They even made a sign about it!
The Wicked Witch asked me about this and I told her it was the fire department who liked me. They get bored sometimes, you know.

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