Monday, April 16, 2012

Sarcasm... It's Served Free With Your Meal

Alright, there's a very real possibility here that I've been kidnapped and replaced by a pod person.  I'm more than a little alarmed.  The fact that I'm aware of this hardly diminishes the likelihood by my way of thinking.  I truly don't know what's come over me!  You see, not only did I manage to FIND the kitchen in my house a second time within a single week, but I felt some weird compulsion to do that thing... you know.... that you do in kitchens....what's it called?... Oh yeah, COOK!  I did it!  AGAIN!  Obviously there is something VERY wrong in my little corner of the universe. (And by "my little corner," of course I mean the whole thing.)  Here's the picture, though, because apparently without photographic evidence, no one believes me.

Yes, people, that's me.  I had taken off my tiara temporarily (probably due to the same brain swelling that made me feel like cooking) but that is indeed The Queen cooking up dinner in her very own kitchen.  Now, I know you all realize this (because honestly everyone I've ever met is aware of it) but I don't cook.  In case you've forgotten, feel free to Click Here for a reminder.  But it turns out that no good deed at my house goes without punishment... or at least sarcasm.  But that did seem to be the theme for the day.

I've already admitted that I don't cook often.  I mean it.  I'm not kidding.  It's REALLY rare.  So rare in fact that when I saw my nine year old daughter as I was starting up the beans around lunch time today, she asked me what I was doing.  I told her I was cooking dinner and she looked at me then blurted out incredulously "Is it Thanksgiving already?!!!"  You know, I pride myself for having a witty comeback for nearly everything, but I couldn't do much more than stare at her and sigh while inwardly acknowledging that she wasn't even kidding.  Poor kid was seriously confused!  I'm pretty sure she thinks having McDonalds at home is home cooking.

But that was just the first of my day filled with little one liners... which weren't delivered by me.  I'm not sure what was up with that.  Sarcasm and one liners... they're my thing!! What was it with everyone at work encroaching on my turf?  Cherie (my boss... everyone say Hi, Cherie!) even got in on the act, but to be fair, I don't think it was her fault.  We were having an end of the day phone meeting to discuss a few issues that had been ongoing when I started off on a new topic:

Queen: Is it just me or...
Cherie: Probably.
Queen:  Really?  Really?  You just went there?
Cherie:  I think it's a side effect of that cupcake with a tiara on it that was meant for you that I ate last week.
Queen:  You're likely right.

Clearly Cherie had not anticipated the powerful side effects of a tiara wearing cupcake.  The tiara is not a toy, people!  It's powerful... and sarcastic!!!  Oh and here it is.  Cherie sent me a pic.

Yeah, I know. They spare no expense when it's for me.

After that, even Syed (my personal Lord Chamberlain, the Duke of Decorum, and Royal Off With Their Head-er) got in on the act.  What was up here?  First he suggested that we had enough cool people running around who were either described collectively as being dynamic or awesome that we should probably start our own League of Superheroes!

Queen: Oh Oh Oh!  I want my super power to be FABULOUSNESS!
Syed:  And here I thought you were going to go with modesty.
Queen (Not to be outdone by her own Duke):  Dude... I did.

And really, there's just not a lot you can say in response to that sort of logic.  So when MPH (My Poor Husband) thought he'd get funny at dinner when he realized I had cooked and asked what was wrong and whether or not I was dying, I was ready.  He got a nice helping of sarcasm with his dinner, but oddly enough he smiled all the way through it.  I guess that's how he knew it was me and not a pod person and that I was obviously going to be alright.  All hail The Queen!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thank you so much for commenting on QueenOfAllThingsGood! Your comments are always welcome and appreciated. I love reading them and hopefully respond to them as well. Thanks!