Saturday, April 14, 2012

They Fried A What?!

Greetings, my dear readers and loyal subjects, from the Azalea Festival!  Yes, it's that time of year again.  It's the time for spring festivals that celebrate flowers, local heros, particular species of fish and headless chickens... I'm talking to you, Colorado... where they actually have an annual festival to celebrate a real live headless chicken.  I would NOT kid you about this.  Headless Mike was his name, and in the 1940's some guy so screwed up beheading this chicken for dinner that he managed to survive the procedure for 18 months.  I have only just found out about this celebrated poultry this past week.  I'm still not sure if it's awesome  in an almost zombie kind of way or just frightening in... you know... an almost zombie kind of way.  I'm leaning towards awesome though.  Anyway!  I'm writing from our local spring festival which celebrates the blooming of the azalea bushes in this area.  And no, they aren't zombie flowering bushes, but that would indeed be cooler.

I'm down here "borrowing" a computer and office space from a friend who has an optometric office downtown in the middle of the festival area because I have no internet where I'm spending the weekend.  I probably should have asked her permission first, but that just seemed like an invasion of her valuable time.  So if I suddenly break off this post, you'll know she's found me and I've had to run away.  I'll type fast!

So as I spent the day down here wandering the festival, I noticed that there are things I always love about festivals in the south.  And mostly, I'm talking about festival food!  There are few things as amazing as the nutritionally horrifying concoctions you can find at your local festivals.  There are the gyros of questionable origin.  We have two foot long corn dogs that just drip grease.  There are the usual sea food stands without anything resembling appropriate refrigeration.  And then we have, because I live in the south, everyone's favorite.... the all fried, all the time stands!  Here is my current fave from this year's festival.

Take a gander at this thing, and yes, you're reading it correctly.  This stand had not just fried but DEEP FRIED candy bars, Twinkies, and Oreos!!!  The part of the sign going off to the side added that they had deep fried honey buns, Reeses cups and bottled water.  Okay, I don't think they'd deep friend the bottled water, but after seeing what they had done to perfectly good Oreos, Twinkies and multiple types of candy bars, I honestly wouldn't put it past them!  Honestly, I couldn't drag my eyes away from this thing.  It was like a culinary train wreck, or more exactly a culinary coronary!  There IS no redeeming value in any of these products to begin with, but to then deep fry them?!  Yeah, I got chest pain just looking at this thing.  I have a sweet tooth that would choke a horse and even I avoided this!  There aren't enough stomach crunches in the world to make up for some of this.

So, while I didn't partake of the deep fried delicacies, I did find my way to my favorite hot dog stand here in town.  I figured I'd clog some arteries with that instead.  It  just seemed like a better way to go... lesser of two evils and all that.

Now I'm here at my friend's office where she has live models in her front window.  Yup, live models wearing really cool glasses who I may have to mug on the way out just because I kind of like the really cool glasses.  I'd stay and tell you all about this but I've just been told the new male model is here.  I've seen his application.  The only thing the person who interviewed him wrote across the bottom of the application was "Yes, please!" so, dear readers and loyal subjects, this I gotta see!  Anyway, if you need me, I'll be ogling the guy wearing glasses in the window!  I'll update you on it tomorrow!  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend getting out in the warmer weather and eating things that will probably kill you.  Pick your poison well, people!  Happy spring festivals!!!

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