Friday, April 20, 2012

The Not So Weekly Random Wrap-up... and Smurf Porn!

Hey, everybody!  Welcome to this week's version of the Not So Weekly Random Wrap-up!  And have I got some good stuff for you this week?  Why yes! Yes, I do.  You're welcome in advance.  So with all that we need to cover here purely for your random amusement, let's get right to it!

First off, apparently if you randomly wish for things, sometimes you get them... even when they're really weird things.  Now I haven't actually GOTTEN this random thing but I did find it incredibly funny when I was contacted today by @Still_UK on Twitter.  It would seem that my lamentations about my lack of a forklift were heard clear across the Atlantic Ocean!  So in response to my twit (Yes, I still insist on calling them twits because it's a made up noun and it makes more sense for Twitter's made up noun to be twit.  Just go with me on this one, people!) complaining about the fact that I wanted a forklift and that I was waiting on the Forklift Fairy to visit me, the nice people at Still Forklift Trucks twitted me back and offered to be my "Forklift Fairy!"  I kid you not.  I don't think I could make up strangers offering to play forklift fairy for me.  Alright, now that I think about it and everything else that I make up, including the presence of a forklift fairy, maybe I could, but in this case... I didn't.  So if you happen to be in the UK and in need of a forklift, may I humble recommend that you give your patronage to my favorite Forklift Fairies!  Thank you so very much, and I have NOT been paid for this announcement.  (Though if they'd like to pay me, might I suggest payment in the form of a pink, bedazzled forklift that I will then use as my Queen-Mobile.  I can just see it now.)

Secondly, I would like to say that WOW was it a heck of a week at work this week!!!  I swear I was scrambling for every single thing that I got done.  Today was so bad that I decided to take a break and make myself some lunch.  Here it is.  It seemed awfully appropriate at the time.

And yes, that was it in its entirety... until Juli found me and took it all away from me because she's mean and doesn't want me to have what makes me happy.  She babbled something about me still having to work, but I was mostly looking for the rum by that time.  (Okay, everyone calm down. I didn't REALLY have all of this for lunch... just the tub of cool whip.  Don't judge me!)

Thirdly, in the vast arena of random things on the internet, I would like to take this opportunity to bring you (and by bring you I mean discuss without actually telling you how to find because that's why the internet has google, dear readers and loyal subjects) Smurf Porn!!  Yes, indeedy!  You thought the pterodactyl porn was something pretty random, well I have found weirder!  No, I don't mean cartoon characters doing naughty things which are then posted on the internet.  I mean people dressed up as cartoon characters doing naughty things which are then posted on the internet.  Now, I have actually seen this... thanks to that friend of mine who sends me really weird links without telling me what they are just because he knows my sense of curiosity will burn a hole in my eyes until I take a peek.  And from my very informed perspective I have a certain few things that need to be said.

1.  There are certain body parts that regardless of how authentic you are trying to be should NOT be painted blue.  I'm just sayin' here people!
2.  If you DO happen to watch this train wreck of a video clip, you will NEVER again hear the smurf theme song and get that happy, warm and fuzzy feeling that you've always gotten prior to this.  This IS a warning, folks.
3.  Adding Gargamel into this particular mix was really just too much for me.  My eyes BURNED, people!

So in conclusion, Smurf porn... just say no.  Thank you.  And yes, I do find weirdly themed porn clips to be hysterically funny.  And no, this wasn't remotely sexy.  Shades of Gray, this was NOT!  (And no, I haven't read Shades of Gray yet, but yes, everyone has told me it's badly written but great.)

And finally, I have not yet heard back from my new favorite band and invitees to Cupcake City, my superhero city.  So I would invite you all to email Axis of Awesome and ask them to please give into my demands for a theme song and I will return the puppy I have stolen from them... or really just send them my puppy because she's teething and chewing up everything she can get her sharp little teeth on in my backyard, but I love her anyway so it's really an empty promise.  I'll just say thank you nicely and quit stalking them if they write me a theme song.  It doesn't even have to be a particularly amazing theme song but it will naturally be awesome because... They're the Axis of Awesome!!!  Anyway, you can reach them at  I figure that by asking all of you to email them on my behalf, I should be able to FLOOD them with... at least 2 or 3 emails.  Whatever.  But if you DO email, be sure to ask them to give The Queen Of All Things Good a chance at profound, personal happiness by writing her a theme song.  If they then come back to you and say "Who?" Just ignore it.  They're big kidders, these guys!  Really!!! 

So that's about all I have for you tonight, but I'd like to leave you with a couple more funnies that I appropriated from Facebook posts.  Here they are.  Enjoy and have a great weekend!
From the mouths of frogs...
This one was from my friend Jill who SO understands me.
And finally, this next one is me when I'm writing.  It's frightening how much I amuse myself!

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